Good Behaviour
by dianaameade2
Summary: Clary Fray had the perfect life; ask anyone. Nice house, popular, co-captain of the cheer squad. She was on top. There was just one thing that reminded her that her life wasn't quite as perfect as it seemed- and his name was Jace Herondale. "Don't pretend you don't love it." He whispered carefully, and she exhaled softly, shuddering. "I know exactly what you're like..."
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: A new one; let me know what you think, whether this is something worth continuing. I have so many ideas at the minute, so many unfinished ones, but some new ones I just need to get out. Please review and enjoy.**

**Big love. **

Clary Fray had the perfect life; ask anyone. Her best friend Izzy was her co-captain of the cheer squad, the most popular girl to exist, and she was gorgeous beyond belief. She lived in a nice house in a nice neighbourhood, she had a job that she loved at the local bookstore, and her grades were straight A. It was well known that she had a perfect life.

And that's exactly what she wanted them to think.

"Okay, one more time ladies!" Isabelle shouted at the team, hand on her skirt-clad hip. It was the day before the biggest game of the season; if the Alicante High players won this match they would be state champions. And that was enough to get everyone worked up; especially the hot-headed Isabelle. Clary groaned from her position atop the pyramid, letting Maia catch her as she slipped down.

"She needs a drink." Maia mumbled, helping Clary neaten out her uniform. Clary laughed.

"She's just stressed- you know what this means to her." Clary replied sweetly, watching Isabelle yell at the sloppiest spotter on their squad, Seelie. She bit her lip and approached Isabelle.

"Hey." She said, walking up to her friend, giving Seelie her signature 'get lost' look. "They're gonna mutiny if you keep the hard-ass act up." Clary laughed, and Isabelle shot her a dirty look.

"It's not my fault half these dumbasses can't throw- you're the flyer babe, I'm just looking after your safety." She shot, and Clary rolled her eyes, turning to the team.

"We're done for the day, girls- hit the showers." Clary yelled, watching the relief on her teammates' faces, and she ignored the indignance on Isabelle's. The team trailed out of the gymnasium, their muttered gossip chirping after them, and as they left Clary was glad that Isabelle wasn't putting up a fight.

"Okay, now you." Clary said, turning back to Isabelle. She had taken a seat on the bleachers, and there was a tired look on her face. "Why are you so worried?" She asked, and Isabelle frowned.

"This game is important, Clary. We need to support the team." She said, and Clary raised an eyebrow. "Okay, fine! Mel is being a serious diva about the whole thing, and I honestly think if they lose then I will never hear the end of it."

Clary frowned.

"What the hell does losing the game have to do with us, though?" Clary asked, and Isabelle slumped down on the bleachers, flicking her long hair back.

"He likes to blame everyone other than himself. He'll make it my fault…"

She looked down at her hands, and Clary tried not to fume at the thought. Izzy had to put a front on for the rest of the world; in reality, she wasn't all that put together. She was still grieving for a brother she lost nearly eight years ago, was struggling with her absent parents, and was constantly trying to keep herself on top of the social food chain. She was exhausted.

"Well… screw him. We have bigger things to worry about- like Nationals- and he'll get over it. He's a big boy, Iz."

Isabelle smiled tightly and flicked her hair again, standing up to tower over Clary.

"You're right, short stuff. Let's go shower- you're staying with me tonight, right?"

Clary grinned, picking up her water bottle.

"Of course. We have to get your house party ready for tomorrow-" she grinned at Izzy's sharp look "Even if we win or lose, we need to get drunk!"

Izzy smiled back, and the two left the gym arm in arm, both ready for what was to come.

…

Clary smiled like she had never smiled before; eyes wide, teeth bared, chest puffed. The crowd was roaring before her, around her, and her cheer squad were all identical beside her. Isabelle was at the front of their formation, hands on her slender hips, and as the icy wind chilled her bare legs Clary couldn't help but feel alive. The Alicante high team were in the lead, and before the half time show had begun Sebastian, the quarterback, had shot a wink at her triumphantly in front of the cheering crowd. And now it was their turn to impress.

Music boomed in her ears, and she could feel the blood rushing through her veins; the air was fizzing with electricity as they started, and she could feel the thousands of eyes on them.

"Ready? Okay!"

With Izzy's command they were off; Clary held her pose, flipped her hair, stepped every beat perfectly. She held her body rigid as she was flung into the air by Seelie and Magnus, holding her breath as she was lifted to the top of the pyramid. She could feel the excitement of her teammates as they landed their first basket toss, then the next. She could feel every muscle in her body aching, but as it came to the final stunt, as she was thrown in the air the final time, she felt as though she was flying.

The crowd cheered early as loudly for them as they did when the Alicante team scored the winning goal, leading them to the role of state champions.

"Did you see Seb? I mean, he was practically flying across that pitch, Never seen anything like it." Raphael said from his position at the bar; they were at Taki's, the prime post game spot, and Clary was stood in between Sebastian's legs as they downed sugary milkshakes, everyone high on their win. Isabelle was by her side, the rest of the team sat in the booths around them, and Clary could feel the excitement.

"I couldn't have done it without you, bro." Sebastian said and Clary laughed at him; she was glad they had won, and she was even happier for Isabelle. Their routine had gone perfectly, and Meliorn was currently laughing with Jordan and Maia. Happy Mel meant a happy Izzy.

She felt Sebastian's warm hand on her thigh, and she turned to whisper to him when Raphael turned his attention to Isabelle.

Sebastian was everything to her. Before becoming friends with Izzy, he was the guy she dreamed about as a shy, nerdy freshman. And now that she was where she was, popular, co-captain of the cheer squad, he couldn't get enough of her. She liked it like that. Feeling wanted.

"Seb." She said quietly into his ear, and he trailed his hand further up her thigh. She shuddered gently, then placed a hand on his, stopping him. "Not here." She smiled, looking at him, and he groaned.

"I just can't help myself, Clare. That skirt is all kinds of inviting…" he said softly into her hair, and she felt herself blush red.

"When we get to Izzy's." She said under a giggle and laughed when he sprung up out of his seat, turning to the team.

"Okay, I'm ready to get fucked; who's in?" He said, grabbing Clary's had in his one, large, warm palms pulling her. Everyone cheered and made their way out of the diner, and Clary turned to Izzy- she winked at her and grinned as her best friend was lead to Sebastian's car.

"Slow down!" Clary laughed as Seb practically carried her to his car; everyone else was already pulling out, enticed by the promise of free booze. Izzy's parties were legendary. He opened the door for her and Clary climbed, turning up the music the second Seb turned on the engine. He grinned at her, and spent the whole journey with one hand on her thigh.

She knew that, if she just gave him the time of day, they would be a couple. She knew he liked her, Meliorn and Raphael had told her, but she had been nervous. Not anymore.

By the time they arrived Izzy had already sped inside and turned up the music, and her seemingly mansion of a house shook with the beat. Clary jumped out of the car before Sebastian could react and hurried inside, looking for Isabelle. No matter what guy she was with, making sure Izzy was okay was top priority. Seb followed her eagerly and they made their way through the- surprisingly- thick crowd, making it to the kitchen.

Isabelle had already lined up a row of shots, and half of the squad were about to throw them back.

"Wait for me!" Clary squealed, picking up the shot of vodka and linking her arm with Isabelle's. They knocked back the shot wedding style, and then she did one with Sebastian. And then another with Maia.

It was an hour later before she realised quite how drunk she was.

Sebastian had already wandered off to find his teammates; he would find Clary later, as he always did at parties, and they would make out in one of the spare rooms. That's how it always ended. But right now she was dancing badly with Maia, swaying her hips as some of the squad played Kings with the football team, and Clary looked around through hazy eyes at the newcomers. Their classmates had joined the teams for the party, and considering the size of Izzy's house there had to be at least a hundred people now at house. The thought made Clary a little anxious, but Izabelle was nowhere in sight. The numbers began to make her feel claustrophobic, and excusing herself by signing a drinking motion to Maia she made her way out the front of the house, knowing the back yard would be full with people getting high or getting off. She laughed out loud at the thought.

Izzy's drive was empty, and she walked to the end of the drive, digging a half-crumpled packet of cigarettes from her pocket. She stuck one in her mouth and flicked the lighter, groaning frustratedly when it just spat sparks. It was so dark, and quiet out of the house, she could hear the empty thing sizzle.

"You can borrow mine."

Clary jumped out of her skin and turned around, shocked; she knew that voice.

"Herondale." She said quietly. The guy in front of her laughed, arm outstretched, offering her a heavy metal lighter. In her hazy state she didn't know how to react, just reaching out and taking it silently, lighting up and taking a deep drag. She could feel him watching her. He always did.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, handing back the lighter. She tried to ignore the electricity between them when their fingers touched, but his smirk let her know that he hadn't. He always did this.

"Aren't you happy to see me?" He said, taking a step closer. Clary took two back, her skin brushing against the bush behind her. She was trapped.

"Izzy wouldn't like you being here." She spat, and he grinned wider.

"What lady muck doesn't know won't hurt her. I'm just here to drop off." He said, and Clary laughed sharply, understanding. He wasn't here to see her- he never was.

"Who's buying tonight then, Herondale? Actually, don't tell me. I know most of the skunk here came from you." She took another drag, but choked as he stepped forward, closer to her, nearly pressing against her. He leant down, lips close to her ear and inhaled deeply.

"Don't pretend you don't love it." He whispered carefully, and she exhaled softly, shuddering. "I know exactly what you're like… don't you remember…" He trailed his fingers along her collarbone, pressing his lips gently against he neck.

And then Clary pushed him off. She hadn't forgotten yet.

"Stay the hell away from me." She said harshly, dropping the cigarette to the ground and stomping it out. He frowned, grasping her wrist firmly and pulling her hand to his chest. "Stop." She whispered.

"Why do you always do this?" He asked, and Clary pulled at her wrist. "Why do you always fight me?"

"Have you ever considered that I want nothing to do with you?" She asked, looking up into his eyes. She couldn't read him, couldn't see what he was thinking, but before she could move he had leant down, capturing her lips in a kiss. She melted into him, not wanting to, but his tongue was on hers, his mouth hot and heavy, and she couldn't help it. Then she pulled away, pushing him off for good and pushing past him.

"Stay away from me, okay?" She slurred into the night. She didn't bother to check if he had left. She knew he had.

She made her way back into the party, the music louder than before, pulsing around her. Or maybe she was just drunker. People were swaying to the music in the living room, Isabelle screaming out lyrics while Meliorn smoked something that wasn't a cigarette on the couch. Sebastian was in the kitchen laughing with someone Clary didn't recognise, and she sidled up beside him. His eyelids drooped heavily, and Clary grinned at him; she wanted to forget what Jace tasted like, forget what it felt like to be so confused. She grabbed a hold of Seb's hand and lead him out of the room, pulling him up the stair past groups of drunken teens, snatching a bottle of something out of a partygoers hand as she led him to the room she knew was empty and out of the way.

Sebastian pressed against her, urging her forwards, and practically pushed her through the door she directed him toward.

The second it was closed Clary felt herself being pushed back against the door, and Sebastian leant down to capture her lips in his. It wasn't as hard as Jace had been, it wasn't as hot or fast or wet. But it was desperate. His hands trailed down her back, holding her against him, and she pushed herself against the wall so that she could wrap her legs around Sebastian's waist, clinging to him. He groaned against her throat and trailed kisses down her neck, and Clary leant her head against the door, signing.

Sebastian moved them, carrying her over to the bed and laying her down, still pressed against her. He whispered in her ear as she ran her hands up his chest.

"Go out with me. Be mine." He slurred, pressing a kiss to the corner of her mouth, moving his hands up her skirt.

"Yes." Clary hissed, moaning softly as his fingers climbed higher.

She wasn't sure what she was saying yes to, in that moment. All she knew was that, as they tangled together, kisses heated and eager, writihing against each other, it wasn't Sebastian she was thinking of.


	2. Chapter 2

It was nice, Clary had to admit, being with Sebastian. He was sweet, kind of boring, and liked to hold hands a lot. But he was nice to her, easy breezy, and didn't ask her too much. Like why she was always at Izzy's house, or where her mother was. Easy breezy. Sometimes.

"What are we doing this weekend?" Sebastian asked the group at lunch; it had been a few weeks since Isabelle's party, since they had gotten together, and it seemed like finally the gossip about the pair had died down.

"I don't mind… Isn't there an open mic on at the coffee house?" Isabelle said carefully.

"Coffee?" Clary said happily, and everyone laughed.

"I guess that's decided…" Maia said. "I haven't been to a gig in so long; we could go to Pandemonium after?" She asked, and Izzy groaned, shooting Clary a dark look.

"My fake got confiscated last time, I am not going back in there." She said dubiously, and Clary laughed.

"I'll come home with you after instead." She said, and Izzy grinned.

"So, you aren't coming home with me?" Sebastian whispered in her ear, and Clary blushed hard, trying to look away.

"We're at school Seb," She whispered back, grabbing the hand that Sebastian was trailing up her jean clad leg. "Cool it."

She felt him huff beside her, but focussed on the conversation at hand, trying to ignore his palming. It was only now, when she had him, that she realised Sebastian wasn't exactly a dream guy. He wasn't bad- he just seemed so absorbed in himself it was sickening. Especially in bed. But he was hot, and popular, so she could stick it out. It was senior year after all. She just needed to get through this year, then she was gone.

"There's a friendly match with Xavier's tonight so I'll be sticking around after school- is cheer practice on? I can give you and Iz a ride." Meliorn asked Clary, and she nodded.

"I didn't realise there was a friendly match though- how come?"

"They want a taste of the state champions." Sebastian jeered, and fist bumped Meliorn. Clary rolled her eyes.

"Sure. Just don't get in our way. Iz and I are ramping up practice now ready for nationals."

"Oh god." Maia groaned, putting her head on the table.

"Hey- you love it." Isabelle said, and Clary laughed, trying to hide her worry. As the bell rang for class, she let Sebastian peck her on the cheek then made her way out the back of the cafeteria with Izzy; they spent most of their week avoiding both homeroom and trig, and so they waited behind the bleachers until school ended and they could start practice. Isabelle sat on the dusty ground, braiding her hair, and they shared a crumpled cigarette from the bottom of Clary's bag.

"Seb seems very touchy- feely." Isabelle said carefully, and Clary shrugged, doodling on her thigh.

"I guess… he's always been like that."

"Do you not like him?"

Clary looked up, frowning, picking at the hem of her jeans.

"No, I do like him. He's just…"

"What?"

"He's just… Seb."

Isabelle laughed, passing her the cigarette.

"You mean he's dull." Clary rolled her eyes. She knew that she could never have what she wanted, could never say what she was really feeling. But she needed Seb, to make sure people knew that she had status, so she wasn't going to give him up because of something as stupid as her 'feelings'.

"I just need him. And he likes me, so…"

"So, whatever?" Isabelle replied, and Clary nodded sullenly, taking a drag. "I get that… with Mel. He's not exactly the most interesting guy- all he ever wants to do is have me watch his games. And now the season is over, so…"

"You'll have nothing to talk about."

"To be honest, sometimes not talking is much more fun." She laughed, and Clary rolled her eyes, stomping out her cigarette butt and standing up. They changed into their uniform hastily behind the bleachers- no longer caring who saw them- and sat watching the football team warm up as they waited for their team to arrive.

Clary didn't much like watching football, even if she was a cheerleader, but the energy she felt when everyone was screaming, cheering, was the best high she had ever had. The rest of the squad slowly filtered out onto the field, and Clary watched as the team from St Xavier's arrived and began to warm up, shaking hands with the Alicante team while the coaches made small talk.

Clary turned to Isabelle, ready to start their warmup, but instead noticed the glazed look on her best friend's face. She followed her gaze out onto the field and frowned, not seeing what could be capturing her attention, considering Mel was just drinking from his bottle of water.

"Iz?" She asked, poking her friend, and Isabelle turned to her.

"Huh? Oh, everyone's here." She stood up, brushing down her skirt and trying not to catch Clary's eye; her friend just frowned, following behind. "Okay guys, let's get started; pair up everyone! We're doing killers."

Everyone groaned, pairing off and starting their sprints along the edge of the field; the teams had already started playing, and considering it was a friendly there were very few people in the stadiums, only a couple of girlfriends and some giggling freshmen. The lack of cheering made the game seem less surreal, and the shouting of the players filtered over to them.

Practice went smoothly, and Clary was exhausted by the time they had finished. She was dripping in sweat, hair wild around her face, and everyone looked equally exhausted. As they packed up the game still raged on, the match seemingly less amiable than when it had started, and Clary could barely see Sebastian's number, a darting figure across the huge field.

"Are you staying with me tonight?" Isabelle asked, and Clary shook her head.

"I'm good- Dad went off on a business trip last night so I can stay at mine; did you want to stay over?" Clary asked, grabbing her bag.

"Nah, I'm going to hang out with Alec I think, I haven't seen him in a while." Isabelle sighed, and Clary smiled sympathetically. The Lightwood siblings no longer lived together- Alec lived with Robert and went to school in a different district; Isabelle had stayed with her mom in the wake of her little brother's death, and that meant that- although the house was often full of people- it was a lonely place.

"Okay- tell him I miss him." Clary said, and Isabelle grinned, bumping her army lightly. Izzy's eyes strayed to the field once again, staring- most likely at Meliorn- intently. "Imma grab my bag from my locker and then just walk home, so I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah- I'll pick you up for the gig, okay? Don't let Seb take you- and bring clothes because you are definitely staying at mine after."

"Yeah, yeah- tell Mel thanks for the offer!" Clary said, wandering off in the opposite direction, leaving the sound of her friends' shouting in the distance.

She made her way quickly to her locker, not liking the dark halls after hours, and grabbed her bag. Even through she loved her mom, she spent barely any time with her- and if she was being honest her home didn't really feel like her home. She always had a bag packed in her locker ready to stay at either Izzy's or Maia's- or sometimes Magnus', who lived alone in an apartment owned by his uncle. But today she was taking her bag to her own home; her mom probably wouldn't be around, and for once she would be able to get a moment of peace away from everyone. Away from pretending to be something she wasn't.

She closed her locker and hiked her bag on her shoulder, dreaming of the bath that she planned to take. She didn't have her car with her, but there was still the last glimmer of sun in the sky, so she was happy to make it home on her own.

It was only when she got out the back gates, and smelled the distinct smell of skunk, that she knew she wasn't out in the clear yet. She glanced around the bushes, and made no sign of surprise at Jace, who was propped up by a streetlamp, watching her approach. Everything about him told her to go the other way, to ignore the fading smile and the air of danger. But she couldn't.

He watched her approach silently, brown eyes burned gold in the fading sun, and Clary could feel her cheeks heat. She tried to adjust her skirt so maybe not so much of her legs were showing, but the smirk on his face told her she needn't have bothered.

"What are you doing here?" She asked carefully, and he grinned wider.

"Good to see you too, Red. How was the party?"

Clary felt her cheeks heat, and all of a sudden, he wasn't smiling quite so wide. He pushed himself off the streetlamp and approached her, face hard.

"I'm waiting for Lewis. He's on the Xavier team, you know. Facing off against your boy toy."

Clary huffed, hand on hip.

"He is _not _my 'boy toy', not that it matters to you." She scoffed, hating the way he watched her. He raised an eyebrow. "I need to go."

"Don't leave on my account. Stay… ogle the team- I know your friend likes to." He spat, and Clary glared at him.

"The hell is that supposed to mean?" She asked.

"Lightwood. Next time we're here, ask her who she's staring at." He spat, and Clary glared harder.

"Her boyfriend is on the team, asshat."

"Yeah… _boyfriends_."

Clary shook her head, feeling the headache forming.

"Whatever, I don't have time for this."

She turned and walked away, feeling the chill of the night settle around her and the final drops of sun scatter away. He was saying something to her as she left, but she no longer felt like listening. If there was one thing she knew to do, it was stay away from Jace Herondale.

….

"I hate this colour." Clary said of the dress she was wearing, twirling in front of Isabelle and Maia.

"You hate blue? Since when!" Isabelle asked, flicking through her closet.

"What do you mean, since when? Since always, Iz, you freak." Clary said, pulling off the dress as Maia giggled, applying makeup at Isabelle's vanity. "I'm just going to wear my jeans." Clary said, standing in her underwear, eyeing up her jeans and sweater.

"Oh, hell no. You are not; this is the last night we're going to be able to go out for ages, we have nationals so soon!"

"Hey, I'm only coming for the coffee, I'm not going to Pandemonium after; me and you are having a quiet night, right? Then I'm working every night next week- Luke's sister is ill." Clary said, pulling on a sweater, only to have her hands slapped at by Isabelle, who tossed her another dress, this time bright red.

"Oh, hell no."

"Put it on, sis, or you're wearing the blue."

Clary huffed, turning the shimmering piece of fabric over in her hand.

"Can't I just wear the black one? The one I wore to Aline's party?" Clary said, chucking away the red dress and moving to Isabelle's huge closet. Her parents were both extremely wealthy, and exchanged emotional presence for material possessions. Clary was well aware of their type, since her parents were the same.

"Mmm… actually, yeah, wear the black one. I like that on you."

Clary smiled, pulling the dress from her friend's closet and slipping it on, hastily throwing on a jacket to cover up, then throwing herself down on the huge bed. She watched her two friends do their makeup, Isabelle curling her hair in one of the many mirrors she possessed.

"How was your mom yesterday?" Isabelle asked, a look of deft concentration on her face, and Maia met Clary's eyes in the mirror.

"She wasn't actually in… the whole night… or morning…" Clary said, looking down at her nails.

"Scandal!" Maia said, swiftly ducking at the pillow Clary threw. She and Isabelle laughed, Clary rolling her eyes.

"You mean the great Lady Fray was absent, yet again? What a shocker." Isabelle said.

"Yeah, yeah, alert the media. I didn't think that she would be home but… all night? I literally haven't seen her in weeks."

"Maybe you should alert the media then."

"Nah, I'll just wait until she remembers that I exist."

The doorbell rang, and Isabelle shot Clary a telling look.

"What? You want me to get it?"

"Thanks, darling." Isabelle replied, shooting her a grin. Clary mumbled her complaints as she got up, ready to ascend the million stairs. She hopped down the hallway, knowing that no one was home, as no one ever was, and opened the front door.

"Hey, little red!" Magnus greeted her at the door, wrapping her in a glittery hug, Clary blowing pieces of highlight away from her face.

"Mags, you're early. You know Alec left yesterday, right?" Clary teased, and Magnus grinned slyly.

"Oh, you know I've given up on that private school pet- for now. Anyway, I'm just here because Meliorn refused to give me a ride to the gig, so I'm going to walk with my girls."

Clary frowned, pulling at the hem of her dress, then crossed her arms.

"He wouldn't give you a ride? Why not?"

The look that crossed over Magnus' face was answer enough, and Clary could feel the blood beneath her skin boil. Magnus was one of her oldest friends; she had lived in his neighbourhood, or he in hers, before he had come out to his parents and been banished from their echelon. He was a child of a certain echelon of people, like she was, and understood the pressures. He understood what it was like to have absent parents, to be on the inside looking out. And despite the fact that he had his own struggles, he had always been there for her.

"He wouldn't let you in his car because you're gay? That fucking piece of shit, when I tell Iz—"

Clary was cut off by Magnus putting a hand over her mouth and stooping down, closing the door swiftly with his other hand and pulling Clary toward the kitchen, away from the staircase and Isabelle's earshot.

"Cee, my darling, keep your mouth shut about this. The last thing I want after this humiliation is to hurt Isabelle, especially if that Neanderthal makes her happy." He whispered carefully, and Clary removed the hand from her mouth gently.

"That's just the thing, Mags, she doesn't like him _that _much, especially not if she knew about this!" She hissed back, and Magnus just shook his head.

"The one thing I don't want is more trouble, doll. And shit stirring in my last year of the hell that is high school is my one way ticket to ass-beat city. Just let him be, I wouldn't want to associate myself with him further anyway."

Clary sighed, pulling her friend into a hug as best she could with the elaborate coat he was wearing.

"I hate when people treat you like this. You deserved the moon, not some shit eating homophobes who are stuck in the 1950's."

"Yeah, yeah." He pulled out of the hug and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, leading them back to the front door. "The thing is this isn't a 1950's way of thinking, its just a way of thinking. People do this, and they always will. I've stopped caring."

She could tell by his voice that he did care, a lot, but she didn't push. It wasn't her place too, and if she knew one thing it was that Magnus needed to be left to make his own decisions.

It was at that point that Isabelle and Maia thundered down the stairs, giggling at something and smelling strongly of Chanel no. 5. Clary met Magnus' stern look with a resigned smile, and the pair joined their friends, Clary shoving her feet into her shoes before allowing herself to be pulled out of the door as Maia lit up a cigarette and Isabelle opened up a bottle of something she shouldn't have.

…

As it turned out, gigs at coffee houses weren't exactly the kind of party that entertained people like Sebastian for long, and after the first band had played only half a song he had rolled his eyes, and he and his crew, including Mel and Raphael, left the small café and headed to the nearby club Pandemonium, which had a reputation for letting anyone in- especially before 10 pm. Clary, Isabelle and Maia all stayed, along with the loyal Jordan and Magnus, who was eyeing up the bearded barista. Aline and Seelie had also decided to leave with the boys, a decision that was met with an eye roll by Isabelle. Aline and Seelie both had a reputation, and despite the fact that they were both loyal enough members of the cheer squad, neither of them was particularly warm to Isabelle, or Clary.

"Okay, I'm getting more coffee!" Clary said, standing up from the plush seat she had sunk into, somewhat drunk from whatever Isabelle was spiking their drinks with, and everyone laughed at her enthusiasm. "Anyone want anything?" She asked, being met with a chorus of 'no's', instead getting up herself as the music died down and the next band set up, ordering herself the largest americano that they offered. She tried her best not to spill any on Isabelle's dress as she made her way back to her seat and found herself surprised by how many people had arrived. Her seat had been taken, dragged away by someone who had joined their friends, so she instead carefully placed her drink on their table and perched herself on Isabelle's lap.

"What's going on?" She asked the group, accepting the bottle of vodka from Isabelle and taking a swig.

"I don't know, I think this band that's setting up is super popular around here or something, everyone just arrived." Jordan said, his arm around Maia's shoulder. Clary shrugged, leaning back into Isabelle, who seemed distracted.

"You tired, Belle?" Clary asked, looking to her friend. Her eyes were glued to the stage, lazily following the band that was currently setting up on stage in the dim lights. She nodded absently, acknowledging the question, but refusing to look away from the stage. Clary turned curiously, watching as the harsh spotlight lit up the small coffee shop, and three people were illuminated by the light. It was juts three guys, hair dishevelled, skin pale as though they spent most of their time indoors. They looked nothing special. But it was when the front man stepped back on stage from checking the amps that Clary realised what Isabelle was staring at.

Simon Lewis.

She sucked in a breath, not hearing as the tall boy introduced his band and they began to play their first song. Isabelle was transfixed, mouthing the words to their first song as though she had heard it a hundred times. And Clary finally realised what Isabelle had been staring at during the St. Xaviers match.

Clary knew Simon. She and him had run into each other on multiple occasions, because of one person.

Eight Months Earlier.

…

_The music thrummed, the air filled with electricity and desperation as Clary made her way through the club, her mind set only on one thing. _

"_Camille!" She shouted over the music, her eyes being met with the sight of an old friend, the kind of friend who provides you with any pill you like, as long as you could pay. The kind of friend you didn't tell your parents about. _

"_Hey, sweet thing. You here alone?" _

_Clary rubbed at the back of her neck, feeling the raised bump that lay at the base of her head. She needed to forget. _

"_Yeah… I just need something… anything to help me…"_

"_Stop feeling?" Camille asked, and Clary nodded, leaning against the wall that Camille was stood against. The blonde woman looked the girl in the eyes, knowing full well the kind of pain that she was in. She stroked her hair gently, then slipped her hand into Clary's, exchanging the notes that were there for a small bag. Clary sighed, mouthing a silent thank you before moving past her and heading back out of Pandemonium. _

"_Ey, watch it." _

_Clary felt a harsh push as she exited the club and fell to the ground hard. She hadn't seen who had pushed her- but she did see the guy who came out of nowhere, and swiftly punched him squarely in the face. _

"_Hey, fucking cool it man!" Simon shouted at his friend, pulling him off of the club goer and holding him back. Jace shook off his friend and turned to Clary, who cringed, seeing distinctly the look of anger on his face. She took the hand he was offering to her, letting herself be pulled from the ground, when she saw the threatening look dissipate, instead left with a tempered look of concern. _

"_You okay?" _

_Clary looked up into the eyes of the stranger; burning gold, unlike anything she had ever seen. _

"_Yeah…" She slurred, well aware of the hand he kept on her arm. He smiled slightly, then glanced at her arm and frowned. _

"_You're hurt." He said, inspecting the trail of bruises along her arm. She pulled out of his grip, covering her up with her other hand. _

"_That wasn't him. I've got to go."_

_She turned away, ready to make her way home through the cool night air as she shoved the small bag into her bra. She was again by a hand on her arm. _

"_Look, wait up." _

_Clary sighed, turning back, and for the first time heard the name that would ruin her. _

"_I'm Jace."_

…..

The Present.

Clary snapped out of her reverie and stared up at the familiar face. Simon was a tall guy, pale like his friends with chestnut coloured hair and pale brown eyes that were perpetually sympathetic. He wasn't like some of the guys that ran with the down town crew. He was kind of normal, although his singing left a lot to be desired.

She glanced at her best friend again, seeing the way she was seeing Lewis. Then she leapt from her seat and made her way out the door, not looking back.

"Clary?" She heard her friend's call, but didn't stop until she was out in the dim lights of the street, the air finally hitting her and the slam of the door leaving her alone in the night. She heard the door open again, and she pulled her jacket tighter around her as she faced Isabelle.

"How did you know?" Isabelle asked, rubbing her bare arms. Clary scoffed.

"I know you better than I know myself, Iz, and you could barely keep your eyes off him. And the other night at the football match? I know he was there. And I know you were watching him then too."

Isabelle looked down at her hands, and Clary shook her head.

"How long?" Clary asked, and Isabelle shrugged.

"Not long… it just… it just happened." She replied. Clary scoffed.

"It just happened? It just fucking happened, what the hell happened to 'staying away from downworlders?" Izzy cringed at the nickname, but Clary kept going. "You've been telling me for four months that we need to steer clear of people like them, and then you do this? What the hell is up with you, Iz? What about Meliorn?" She continued, knowing it was wrong to throw these things at her best friend, but the feeling of betrayal being too strong to stop her.

Isabelle laughed bitterly.

"This is different, Clary. You know Mel is an idiot, Simon is different, he's not like..."

"Like Jace? Say it, Lightwood, if you're going to insult me and my choices make sure you go all the way."

Isabelle though her bag to the ground in anger and stepped toward Clary in anger, towering over her friend.

"Actually Clary, yes. He's not like Jace; don't get pissy at me because of that scumbag- he hurt you. He made you miserable, and you are so much better than him. I won't apologise for insulting that piece of shit, because he hurt you. Okay, he fucking hurt you, and I could kill him for it. And I know that Simon could never."

She breathed heavily, and Clary felt her anger begin to dissipate. She sunk down to the curb and sat with her legs in the street, pulling out a cigarette.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked, and Isabelle sat down and joined her, taking the cigarette and pulling a deep breath.

"I don't know… I was ashamed. I thought you'd take Mel's side, because he's one of them, and I know that you wouldn't approve, not after everything I put you through with Herondale. I just wanted to keep it to myself. Then I know I'm not hurting anyone."

Clary nodded, taking a drag of the cigarette.

"You can tell me anything. I love you, no matter what." Clary muttered, and Isabelle laced their fingers carefully. "Besides, Meliorn is a piece of shit anyway. And I never minded Simon. He's okay."

"For a downworlder?" Isabelle smiled, and Clary rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, for a downworlder."

They were silent for a minute, the sound of the band inside like chattering voiced above water, Clary and Isabelle deep underwater. Isabelle looked at their intertwined palms.

"I met up with him on Max's birthday. I told you I was staying with Dad, but really I just went to Alto's and drank all morning. His band was playing. He was nice to me."

Clary sucked in a breath; Max's birthday was a hard day for everyone who had known him. He had died only four years ago, and every year Isabelle seemed to struggle more. It had been two months

"Oh Iz." She whispered, holding her friend tighter.

"His dad died when he was a kid. We talked for ages, and he got me, and then when I had cried enough and we had drank enough he let me crash at his place. God, I was a fucking mess, Clare, and he just played me his stupid songs and told me all these stories. He makes me feel safe, like I don't have to be Isabelle Lightwood, cheer captain every fucking second. I can breathe when I'm with him."

Clary sighed, resting her head on Isabelle's shoulder.

"What will you tell people?" She asked, and Isabelle turned to face her.

"You can't tell anyone, Clary. I can't tell anyone."

Clary furrowed her brows.

"Why not?"

"He's one of them! You know what people would say, what my mom would say… I can't say anything. I'm going to keep pretending to be Miss Perfect, I'm going to keep being Meliorn's doormat, and then I'm going to graduate and never see any of those judgemental idiots again."

"Iz… you can't just keep stringing people along. That sounds fucking exhausting."

Isabelle laughed, running a hand through her hair.

"We have to play the game Clary. Be on our best behaviour- you know that better than anyone."

Clary grimace. She did know that; in a world where everyone was constantly watching, waiting to dig something up on you that could ruin your life, you had to play the part.

"Okay. Fine. But you need to be careful."

"I know. We are."

"No, seriously Iz. Because Jace knows, and if he does that means that he can tell anyone that he likes."

Isabelle froze.

"When did you see Jace?" She asked, slightly panicked by the thought of her friend interacting with him, and Clary blanched.

"Not like that… He was hanging around after the match, and he said he knew you were looking for Lewis."

"Yeah, well Herondale can run his mouth as much as he likes. I hope he knows that if he tries anything, he's fucking dead."

"Amen, sister." Clary said, and Isabelle laughed, putting out the cigarette and wrapping both arms around Clary.

"Not long, Clare. We just have to keep pretending a little longer, and then we're out of here. Just me and you."

…..

Clary spent the next week working her hardest to try not to think about Isabelle and Simon; it wasn't that she wasn't happy that her best friend was happy, it was just that now she had to balance pretending not to hate Meliorn, pretending that Sebastian even mattered to her, and trying not to think about Jace Herondale. She gave it her all at practice every night, then worked until one in the morning at the bookstore, counting and recounting the stock. Her boss, Luke, seemed to be working less and less, so she was often alone in the shop, smoking out the back window and facetiming Magnus.

Isabelle knew that Clary was struggling, so she too tried to distract her as best she could.

"Please, please stay with me tonight, doll. Maia and Magnus are coming to mine for a movie night, it won't be right without you. Who will make sarcastic comments about the dumb blonde with Magnus?" Isabelle pleaded over lunch. They were sat outside, the last nice days before winter keeping them warm, and Sebastian was engaged in a conversation with Meliorn, his arm like a vice around Clary's waist.

"I'd like to, Iz, but I'm working again. Luke has plans so I said I'd watch the shop."

Isabelle sighed, picking at her salad.

"How about, I pick you up from work and bring you to mine. You can stay the whole weekend. I'll invite Alec!" She said before Clary could say no, and Clary laughed.

"Okay, okay… But I'll need to make a quick stop at home though- I'm running out of clothes at your place." Clary said, and Isabelle grinned.

"Of course, Cherry."

"So when are you going to stay at my place…" Sebastian whispered in her ear, and Clary blanched, embarrassed at the way he constantly made suggestions in front of everyone that they knew.

"Seb, can we go for a walk?" She said, and Sebastian got up, slipping his hand into hers and pulling her from the table.

"Thought you'd never ask." He said as he pulled her along, and Clary shot Isabelle a tired look, her friends laughing at their retreating forms.

"Hey, slow down!" Clary said as Sebastian pulled her down the hallway. "Where are we going? I wanted to just walk around." Clary said, and Sebastian quickly pulled her into a janitor's cupboard, enrobing them both in darkness.

"Seb-" Clary said, and was cut off by Seb planting a wet kiss on her, his fingers finding purchase in his hair, unaware that her eyes were still open, her body unmoving.

"Seb…" She said between kisses, "Can you stop for a minute…"

"What's wrong?" He asked, pushing the pair further back into the cupboard. Clary felt her back hit the wall, and she grimaced as he trailed his hands along her body, down her jean clad legs.

"Wait…" She murmured, trying to move her hands to his chest, but he only took this as a sign of encouragement. She had wanted to tell him they needed to slow down- that they had fun together, but maybe she wasn't ready for a boyfriend. Instead she felt him push against her harder, like he was trying to swallow her whole. It was only when she felt his fingers on her zipper that she gave up pushing, and tried her best to just kiss him back.

…

"I don't smell it." Clary said later that night, stacking the discarded books onto the shelf as Izzy swung her legs on the counter. She was finishing up closing the shop early, as Luke wasn't working and it had been dead since six, and Isabelle was trying to convince her that the whole place smelled like moth balls.

"Yeah, well you're used to it, Fray. Spending all your time in this dusty place; why do you even work here? Your parents don't give you a big enough allowance?" Isabelle laughed, flipping absently through Wuthering Heights.

"You know why, you dick. I'm saving for when you and me run away and live together in our tiny house." Clary replied with a grin, and Isabelle smiled back.

"Oh of course! I'm just gong to siphon money from my Trust Fund when the inevitable day comes when you and I escape to Canada."

"Smart plan, Lightwood. Then we can live off caviar instead of Cheetos."

"Duh."

Clary laughed, slapping the book out of her friend's hand and placing it back on the shelf, locking up the register and putting the key in its safe before turning off all the lights.

"Ready?" She said to Isabelle, and her friend nodded, hopping from the counter and heading out the door.

"Hey, you okay?" Izzy asked as Clary locked the front door and pocketed the key. Clary nodded.

"Yeah… just tired. It's been a long day." She said, climbing into Izzy's car and pulling out a cigarette. Isabelle pursed her lips, saying nothing, and headed toward Clary's house. No matter how long Clary had lived there, it never really felt like home. It was too big, too many empty rooms, always absent of parents and people. It may as well be a museum for domestic inadequacy.

"I'll only be a minute, no one's in anyway." Clary said, getting out of the car.

"Okay, Cee. I'll call Mags and tell him to order food- I am star-ving." Isabelle said, pulling out her phone and grinning. Clary shook her head, getting out of the car and running to the front door, ready to grab the clothes she needed and run from the empty house.

It was only once she was inside that she realised she might not be alone. Her mother's coat was hanging on the bannister, a bad habit she did when she knew her husband wouldn't be home. Her handbag was also there, and Clary could hear the faint sound of the television in her mother's room. She ran up the stairs and pushed into her bedroom, ignoring the floor strewn with discarded sketched and heading to her wardrobe, shovelling clothes into the bag without really looking at what she had. She quickly entered her bathroom and grabbed her washbag, hoping that she wouldn't need to be back for a while. Satisfied that she had everything that she needed she left her room and made her way up another flight of stairs toward her parent's room, ready to give her mother a fleeting farewell, obligated to acknowledge their mutual existence. She knocked on the door and pushed it open, expecting to see her mother tucked up in bed in one of her depressions, clutching a bottle of wine and watching an old film.

Walking through the door, she saw her mother asleep in bed.

With a man.

A man who was, distinctly, not her father.

Clary gasped.

Her mother woke up immediately, as though Clary had screamed, rather than whispered. The two nearly identical pairs of eyes met, and Jocelyn Fray immediately sat up with stricken eyes and reached out to her daughter.

The man beside her awoke too, and Clary felt sick to her stomach as she realised it was none other than her boss, Luke. She turned and ran from the room.

"Clarissa! Clary, please wait! Darling."

"Don't fucking speak to me!" Clary shouted, feet pounding down the stairs. Her mother reached out and grabbed her, stopping her daughter from going any further. There was a pleading look in her mother's eyes as she turned her daughter to face her.

"Clary, please, you have to understand. You can't tell anyone, you can't tell your father."

Clary groaned, hot tears welling up in her eyes. But she wasn't going to cry.

"You think I'm going to tell him? You know what he'd do to me?" She hissed, looking her mother up and down. "To you? He'd fucking kill us, mom. How could you do this?" She finished, eyes searching her mother's. Jocelyn's lip quivered and she ran a and over her face. It was moments like this when Clary wondered how they could look so alike, be so alike, and yet be so far away from each other. She missed when she was a child, younger and naïve, and her most favourite person in the world had been her mother.

"Darling, please. You don't understand-"

Clary pulled back her hand and slapped her mother. Hard. Her mother pulled away slightly, shocked from the impact.

"I don't give a shit about your excuses- clean up your mess. And don't ever bring him here again, okay? Don't. Because if Dad ever finds out that this happened, you're going to get us both killed."

She pulled her arm from her mother's grasp and continued down the stairs, only stopping to call back one last time.

"And Luke, in case you didn't get the message, I quit."

With that she ran from the house and threw herself into Isabelle's car, only allowing herself to cry when she was sure they were on their way away from the house that she feared most.

**A/N:**

**I hope you enjoyed! Please leave a review as it means so much and let me know what you think. I'm also currently working on my other stories, so if you have any requests of which I should update next please let me know so that I can work on getting it finished! **

**Big love. **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Please enjoy and review…**

Isabelle sat at the bar, watching Clary spin uncontrollably on the dancefloor, drunk out of her mind, dancing furiously in the slowly emptying club. She hadn't been sober in days, and Isabelle knew that this couldn't go on much longer. She had been staying with her, in the empty house, and every morning washed down her cereal with something a lot stronger than orange juice; it was only luck that she was a high functioning drunk, and no one had noticed yet. No one had called her out at school yet. And none of their friends except for Magnus and Maia had noticed. No one cared.

Isabelle ran a hand through her hair, not enjoying herself one bit; Sebastian had been on Clary's black list lately, and when they were at school Clary ignored practically everyone, instead disappearing to smoke behind the gym. Meliorn was god knows where, having agreed to come to the club with them, but disappearing when he realised that Isabelle wasn't in the mood. And everyone else was too drunk to be of any help to her.

She pushed herself off the barstool and moved through the throng of sweaty bodies toward her best friend, pushing past clusters of disoriented people, grabbing onto Clary's wrist and pulling her away from the sleazy guy that she was dancing with. Clary opened her eyes, blurry green meeting Isabelle's anxious look. Isabelle pulled at her friend.

"What gives?" The guy slurred, and Isabelle flipped him off, not bothered by his disgruntled noise, and dragged Clary toward the back alley. Clary barely protested, letting Isabelle drag her along, only hesitating to pull at her skirt.

Isabelle threw the door to Pandemonium closed when they reached the smoking section and looked around at the empty alley, making sure no one else was there. Then she turned to her best friend.

"What the hell is up with you Clary?" Isabelle said carefully, watching the small girl in front of her sway as she lit a cigarette. Clary blinked, grinning, and then shrugged.

"What do you mean?" Clary said around a mouthful of smoke, and Isabelle cringed.

"You know what I fucking mean, you've been acting weird all week. Look, I get that you were upset with me over Simon, and I should've told you, but why the fuck are you still acting like this?"

Clary shook her head, rubbing at her hair to flatten it down.

"Izza, there's nothing wrong. I'm all good." Clary said with a stupidly blank smile. Isabelle shook her head.

"Don't give me that; look, if you're still pissed at me, you can just say it. You haven't talked to me in days, I can't deal with you being like this anymore." Isabelle yelled, and Clary flinched.

"Iz, it's not that…" She muttered, feeling tension knot in the pit of her stomach, and Isabelle ran a hand though her hair.

"Well then what is it? I mean, it's clear that you aren't okay with Si—"

"Oh my god, Isabelle, I don't give a shit about Lewis! I couldn't care less about him, in all honesty and I'm sick and fucking tired of hearing about him."

She regretted her words the second they left her mouth, but she was too drunk, and high on something, and it was too late. Isabelle narrowed her eyes.

"Why are you being like this? Who are you right now? You know what, enjoy it. Let that fucking guy take you home, I honestly couldn't give less of a fuck right now."

Clary watched as Isabelle slammed her way back into the club, shaking. She couldn't deal with this anymore.

She headed straight back through the club and out the front door, trying to find Isabelle, ignoring the shout for her to put out her cigarette. She pushed into the open air and past the bouncers, rushing to find her friend.

"Izzy!" She shouted into the nothingness of the evening, the throngs of late night club goers giving her the side eye. She slammed her foot against the ground. Her friend was gone.

Freezing, alone, and wishing she wasn't quite so stupid Clary made her way to a small diner across the street, stumbling through the door and squinting in the bright lights, slumping into a booth and letting a surly waitress bring her coffee as she settled into the seat; she couldn't go home. She couldn't go to Isabelle's. And there was no way she was ever going to stay with Sebastian. Ever.

She lay her head on the table, letting her head spin furiously. She hadn't been sober in days; Izzy was right, she was a mess. But she couldn't slow down. She couldn't stop. And now she had nowhere to go. It was moments like this that she realised the fragile illusion of 'Clary Fray' was one that left her with practically nothing. From the outside looking in she had it all, but in reality she was alone, again.

"You come here often?"

Oh. No.

Clary looked up, and was met with the one face that she wanted to see least.

"What the fuck are you doing on this side of town?" Clary said miserably, and Jace laughed, sliding into the booth opposite. She hated herself for thinking it, but he looked good; he had a dark shirt on and a long jacket, his gold hair shorter than he used to have it. And he was watching her as he chuckled.

"I was visiting a friend." He said, and Clary rolled her eyes, tired. Of course he was.

"I'm really, not in the mood, Jace." She said carefully, lifting her head from the table and rubbing at her eyes. "Not tonight."

"I didn't come here to fight with you, Red. I just saw you here, all on your own, thought you could do with a friend."

Clary snorted.

"Friend? Is that what you are?" She watched him carefully, knowing him well enough to know that any moment he would snap. "We aren't friends. We aren't anything, anymore. You made sure of that."

Jace narrowed his eyes, leaning across the table so that their faces were closer, the menthol on his breath inescapable.

"Why do you keep pushing me away?" He whispered, and Clary shook her head.

"You know what you did." She said, and he raised an eyebrow.

"I only did to you what you did to me." He said in reply. Clary scoffed, sobering up immediately at what he was implying.

"I didn't _fuck _another guy." She hissed at him, getting up from her seat and chucking down some bills on the table. Jace reached out, trying to grab her wrist, but missed as she made her way out the door. Jace cursed, following her out into the night.

"Red! Look, would you just wait for a minute."

Clary flashed back to the day they met, him telling her to wait, her turning back to him. That was eight months ago, and now she knew better than to listen to him.

"Clary, stop."

She felt his hand on her arm and she was spun back to him, his eyes like fire as he watched her.

"Why do you keep doing this to me?" She said, furious, pushing at hic chest as he held her tighter. The one thing she didn't want to do was cry in front of him, and right now all he was doing was pissing her off. Jace shook his head, pulling her closer.

"Why do _you _keep lying to me, Cherry?"

Clary grimaced, pulling her arm from his, rubbing at it.

"What the fuck have I lied about?" She spat, and Jace stepped closer, towering over her. He tilted his head to one side.

"You. And the blond."

Clary blinked.

"Are you having a seizure, or what? Who's the blond?"

Jace set his jaw, gold meeting green as he sighed.

"Don't play dumb, Cherry, it doesn't suit you. I saw you at Bat's, with that guy. Don't tell me you weren't fucking him."

Clary furrowed her brows, pressing her fingers to her temples; she had spent the past four months trying not to think about Jace, blocking out everything he had done. And now he was here, while she was having a crisis, and the only thing he had to say to her was a load of lies.

"Jace, I really wish I knew what you were on about, because clearly you want the reason we broke up to be my fault. But I need you to know that you are full of shit. Like, completely full of shit."

"So you're telling me you don't know any tall, blond guys that like to hang out in bars on the south side." He said sneeringly, and all of a sudden Clary remembered.

She blanched.

"Oh fuck." She whispered and ran a hand through her hair. Jace seemed both angry and smug, watching her realisation and shoving his hands in his pockets.

"So can you stop being so fucking pissed off at me for Kaelie?" He asked, ready to pull a cigarette from his pocket, feeling somewhat like he had finally made his point; he was met by a hard slap. "What the…" He muttered, clicking his jaw. He looked back to Clary who was clearly fuming, her chest rising and falling like the tide.

"You slept with that bitch because of _Jonathon?" _She yelled at him, hitting at his arm, feeling a hot flame of fury rise up inside of her.

"Is that his name?" Jace asked, pulling her arms to her sides and holding them down, not bothering to correct her. Clary shook him off and pushed him away as hard as she could.

"Jon is my _brother _you fucking moron!" She yelled, taking no comfort in the look of shock that flashed in Jace's eyes; he looked like he wanted to say something. "I can't believe, I spent four _months _convincing myself that I had done something wrong, that it was something I did to make you hate me enough to do that to me, for you to sleep with that skank. Turns out you're just a _dumbass_. Fucking idiot." She spat, not letting him get a word in, and turned on her heel, wobbling away from Jace. "Don't talk to me, ever again, Herondale." She turned back to catch his eye. "Don't."

Jace watched her leave, slamming a fist against the wall next to him. Fuck. 

…..

It wasn't until she stood at the door that Clary realised where she had ended up; home. She had been on autopilot, too exhausted, allowing her feet to carry her anywhere as long as it was away from Jace, and she had ended up at home. She sighed in resignation; as much as she didn't want to be there, she didn't have anywhere else. This was all she had.

Pushing the door open she tried to be as quiet as possible, shutting the door with a click and immediately pulling off her shoes, dumping them by the door. She didn't want to wake up anyone that might be in the house, so as she made her way to the stairs she tiptoed carefully. Turns out, they were already awake.

"Clarissa."

Clary froze, turning from the bannister and meeting the eyes of her father. She gulped.

Valentine Morgenstern was unbearably cold looking; Clary didn't much resemble him, with her flaming hair, and his stark white, completely flat and styled like a business man would have it. His eyes were coal black and slit like; she had never known much emotion to be contained there. He never showed much emotion at all. He was currently standing at the living room door, a slightly crumpled suit still on, and watching Clary with disdain.

"Dad." She whispered, pulling at her skirt. "I…I didn't know you were home."

Her father smiled wryly, taking a step toward her and taking a strand of her hair in his fingertips, twirling it.

"I've been here for two days; now, where have _you_ been is the real question?"

He tugged at the hair and Clary flinched, being pulled closer to him.

"I was with Isabelle." She said quietly, looking up into his eyes. His usually tight face spread into a smirk, and he laughed. Clary knew what came next. She could almost feel his slap before it hit her face, and the force from his it was so hard that she was sent reeling, landing on the ground with a resounding thud. She remained silent as her father crouched down beside her, his hand around her throat.

"Were you with Jonathon?" He hissed, and Clary shook her head fiercely. He wasn't gripping her tightly- he knew not to leave obvious marks, but it was hard enough to scare her.

"No—" She choked out, and her father dropped her neck. She spluttered, hands against the ground, head spinning. "No, I promise I was with Izzy! I haven't seen Jonathon, I swear!"

She felt a swift kick to her stomach, her father standing up and straightening his suit. He nodded.

"Get up and go to bed; and for the love of God, Clarissa, stop dressing like a fucking whore. What would I say if one of my associates saw you?" He muttered as he headed back into the living room. Clary pushed herself to her feet and waited for him to settle, and before any more disasters could happen she was out the door, running in her bare feet away from him, away from her father, away from her life.

She could feel every stone against her skin, the cold night air turning her skin to an ashen expanse of white and veins. Her phone was dead. She had nowhere to go. So, she decided that she would rather grovel than sleep on the streets.

Her feet carried her to where she wanted to go, the surreal night air burning her bare arms, and as she approached Isabelle's door, she tried not to collapse. She had to knock, and knock. But after a minute of hammering against the large mahogany door, her best friend finally opened it.

"Who the fuck is up at this hour—" Isabelle cut off, opening the door to find Clary, her lip bleeding, freezing in the night air, make up looking more messed up than it had when Isabelle had left the club a few hours ago. Isabelle wrapped her robe around herself tighter and flung the door open, pulling Clary inside. She flicked a hallway light on, and Clary blinked in shock.

"What the hell happened to you?" Isabelle asked, shutting the door and dragging Clary along to the kitchen. Clary stumbled along with her, and once again, the second time in a week, she felt hot tears spill over her cheeks. Isabelle sat her at a barstool and moved to find a first aid kit, and Clary just continued to sob.

"I'm… I'm really sorry, Iz. I'm so sorry—I'm a mess!" Clary sobbed, rubbing at her nose and wincing at the pain that came with it. "I didn't mean what I said earlier, you know I trust you, but I just… I'm a mess." Clary repeated miserably. Isabelle smirked, standing in front of the girl in just her robe, poking gently at Clary's bleeding nose with a disinfectant wipe.

"You're telling me." Isabelle said, and Clary hissed, then hiccupped.

"I'm trying to apologise, Izzy." She said, and Isabelle dabbed at her face with a cotton ball. She set the stuff down, and tucked a piece of Clary's hair gently behind her ear.

"Clare, you know I was just angry. But when you get like this… I don't know what to do! I don't know what _you'll _do. I don't like it."

Clary sniffed, looking up at the ceiling and wiping under her eyes.

"I know, I don't like it either. It's just…" She trailed off, leaning an elbow on the countertop. "My mom's cheating." Clary said, and Isabelle bit her lip, moving to put on the kettle.

"Fuck." She said, and Clary nodded, smiling ruefully.

"Yeah, fuck. I couldn't deal with it. Because of her, I have to keep another secret from my Dad. And if he ever found out, I don't think he'd let me off the hook." Clary finished. Isabelle pursed her lip; she had known Clary a long time, and as long as she had known her, she had known about Valentine. No one else really knew, especially since it happened less and less ever since Valentine started working abroad, and Clary had started practically living at Isabelle's. But every now and then Isabelle would spot a bruise, or a cut, and she would know that Clary had had another run in with her dad.

"Did your Dad do that?" Isabelle asked, gesturing to Clary's face, and Clary nodded. "I thought he was away." Isabelle whispered, moving to make tea as the kettle whistled, and Clary shrugged.

"Me too. I didn't know he would be there… I only went home…"

"Because of me." Isabelle said forlornly, tapping her hand against a mug. Clary shook her head.

"Nah. That was my fault, I deserved it. I saw Jace too, though."

Isabelle sighed, placing tea in front on them and running a hand through her hair.

"Quite a night, Fray." She said, and Clary laughed.

"Yeah. You're telling me. You know what I found out?" Isabelle raised an eyebrow; where Jace was concerned, nothing good could ever happen. "Turns out that night I walked in on that girl in his bedroom, it all happened because Jace thought I was sleeping with someone else," Clary started, and Isabelle choked. "He had seen me with Jon, and decided to get revenge, or whatever." Clary said tiredly, and Isabelle almost spat out her tea.

"What the fuck? He slept with her because he was jealous? Of nothing?!" Isabelle cried, and Clary couldn't help but laugh.

"I guess that's Jace." She said carefully, and Isabelle reached out to take her hand. "God, what a little bitch." Clary said, wiping at her tears, and Isabelle laughed, because if she didn't then she knew that she would cry for her friend.

"Yeah. He doesn't deserve you." Isabelle said, and Clary just sighed. "What next?"

They shared a look; this is how it would always be for them. Stuck between two worlds- Isabelle loved Simon, but would lose everything if she was with him. Clary was choking in the bureaucracy of her life, literally at the hands of her image-obsessed-father. So they both played the game.

"I'm going to apologise to Seb, I'm going to come back to cheer practice." Clary said, and Isabelle sighed gently. "I'm going to do everything to get through this last year."

Isabelle nodded, and Clary looked to her.

"What about you? Are you staying with Meliorn?" She asked, and Isabelle shook her head.

"I can't tell anyone about Simon. But I can't deal with Mel anymore; I'm just going to tell him I'm busy with school, let him down easy. I'd rather have him as a friend than an enemy." Isabelle said, and Clary smiled gently.

"Yeah." Clary replied. "That sounds about right." 

…..

The next day, Clary made it a priority to find Sebastian at school; she pulled him aside as the bell rang for them to go to Lit, waiting for the crowds to calm down.

"Remembered I exist?" Sebastian said pointedly, crossing his arms and leaning against a locker. Clary sighed, trying to look as apologetic as she could.

"Seb…"

"You're a real headspin, you know that? I don't ever know what to think around you." He continued, and Clary put a hand on his arm.

"I'm really sorry, Seb, I've just been so busy, and stressed, you know with Nationals coming up and Isabelle working us all like slaves…" She trailed off, hoping that he was taking at least some of this in. Sebastian frowned, running a hand through his hair. His cool black eyes were almost gentle as he looked at her, and Clary bit her lip.

"I do really like you, y'know." He said, and Clary looped her hand through his, dragging him away from the locker.

"I like you, too." Clary said gently, trying not to think about the fact that she had basically forgotten about him. "I'll be better, I promise. Iz gave me a firm talking to."

Sebastian finally grinned at that, and he allowed himself to be pulled along by Clary, wrapping an arm around her waist.

"Trust Izzy." He laughed, and Clary let out a clandestine breath of relief. "Look, I realise I've been a bit shitty too- let me take you out, yeah? On an actual date. Not just some party."

Clary forced a smile on her face; Seb was a dick half the time, but he was also a nice guy. A far cry from the hot headed, drug dealing, unreadable Jace. She kissed his cheek.

"I would _love _that."

The rest of the day passed uneventfully; Meliorn and Isabelle disappeared at lunch, leaving Clary and Sebastian to themselves for once. They chatted, Sebastian playing mildly with her hair as they sat together, and Clary found herself feeling normal once again. Sebastian kissed her twice, and those were the only moments that she remembered the bruised lip that was under two layers of cover up.

She stayed at Isabelle's that night, and let her best friend paint her nails a shocking shade of green as she recounted the story of her and Meliorn's 'amicable' breakup.

"So he really didn't mind?" Clary asked, and Isabelle shrugged.

"Eh, he seemed a bit pissed at first, but I pulled the hormonal card and started crying, he ate that shit up." Isabelle laughed, swatting at Clary who had tried to reach for the bottle of nail paint. "I think he's been talking to this girl Emma, anyway. She can have him- he was cool about it in the end."

Clary bit her lip, and Isabelle noticed.

"What about Seb? Was he mad at you?"

"He… no. He wasn't mad. He was kind of nice about it." Clary said slowly, and Isabelle raised an eyebrow.

"Don't tell me you're actually into him?" She asked, and Clary blushed.

"I don't know, I just like that I can feel kind of normal with him. No drama, no Dad, no complication." Clary said as Isabelle blew on her nails. Isabelle tilted her head.

"I guess… just, don't let him get all over you. You know what he's like. Clingy."

"Yeah, yeah. He's fine. I think he's just a normal guy for once." Clary said, and Isabelle laughed.

"Well, he's no skunk dealer."

Clary frowned.

"Hey—last time I checked, Lewis deals too." Isabelle looked surprised, and Clary stopped for a moment- Isabelle seemed to have a good thing going, and Clary didn't want to ruin that. "Shit… you didn't know?"

Isabelle bit her lip.

"Nah, I guess I knew. I mean, he is the one who always gives me a premium score." She said, going back to finishing off Clary's other hand.

"How come I never heard about this score?" Clary giggled, trying to lighten the mood, and Isabelle just winked.

"I'm saving it for a special occasion." She said, and Clary just rolled her eyes, shifting in her seat and getting ready to watch one of the endless films that Isabelle supplied. She felt something like worry burning in her chest but ignored it. For now, everything was fine.

The next few weeks passed in a blur; Clary went home briefly when her mother called, spending an awkward weekend with the woman before packing another bag and returning to Isabelle's. It turned out that Izzy's mom was going to be staying in Milan indefinitely, so that meant that Clary would stay with Isabelle indefinitely. She didn't like to be alone in that house.

Sebastian was actually being a kind-of ideal guy; he hadn't been too handsy with her, he let her ride shotgun when they went out with his friends, and he actually started talking to her. They went to the movies nearly every week, Sebastian nearly sleeping through the films that Clary picked, and Clary also went with Isabelle and Maia to all of the friendly matches between Alicante and the other schools, playing the role of a supportive girlfriend. They went on an eventful double date with Maia and Jordan, who left the pair alone at the table for half the night to make out in the bathroom. Clary had laughed at that, and let Sebastian convince her to go up to his room at the end of the night. She wasn't going to sleep with him again. Not yet. But she liked being with him.

Jace seemed to have taken the hint- she hadn't seen him since their run in.

Before she knew it, she and Sebastian had been 'together' for a month, finding themselves having to wrap up warmer as they went out in the chilled air of late November, and they found themselves at Seelie Queen's house, sat in her basement with some of the cheer squad and a few other guys from the football team, someone passing around a blunt, Clary sat in Sebastian's lap on a beat up sofa.

Seelie left to go upstairs and make drinks, Isabelle, Maia and Jordan all leaving too, and slowly everyone filtered out until it was just Sebastian and Clary, both slightly buzzed. Clary grinned down at Sebastian.

"What, do we suck that much?" She giggled, and Sebastian grinned at her, pulling her in for a kiss. She felt his hand climb up her thigh, rubbing gently, and Clary deepened their kiss. She hadn't been in this much of a good mood in a long time. She wouldn't have to see her father until Christmas vacation, she felt like her life was kind of together, and for another she loved Christmas and the wintertime. She let Sebastian shift her so that she was straddling him, running her hands through his hair. He was so easily excited.

"I like this skirt." Sebastian broke their kiss to say, running the hem of her cheer skirt in his fingertips. Clary laughed.

"I bet you do."

Upstairs, Seelie sat on her countertop, drinking beer from the bottle and checking her phone whilst Isabelle helped Maia and Jordan fill up cups, all buzzing from the weed that Seelie had provided, smoking out the window. Seelie was texting someone, and moments later there was a knock at the door.

"Who's that?" Isabelle asked, handing Magnus a drink. She heard Clary laugh from downstairs and rolled her eyes; that girl was acting so out of character. At least she was happy. Magnus shrugged as Seelie opened the door, tugging at her cheer skirt and putting on a supposedly sultry look as she greeted the people at the door. Isabelle caught her breath.

"Hey, come in for a sec." Seelie said to none other than Simon, who was shortly followed by Jace. Isabelle gripped the countertop; Simon was a tall guy, skinny and pale, nothing really special. But the second he walked in she couldn't breathe. He was dressed in his usual jeans and a crumpled top, a long coat over him to protect him from the cold. His brown hair was messed up, and his glasses were slightly steamy, and as she caught his eye she sent him a silent message. This is where they needed to pretend.

Maia was whispering with two of the other girls on the cheer squad, Aline and Maureen, and Isabelle could hear the distaste in their voices.

"What the hell are they doing here?"

"I don't know… didn't know Seelie hung out with them."

"She doesn't, idiot, where'd you think she got the weed."

Isabelle shut her eyes, turning away from Simon's glances. She could feel the heat rising in her cheeks and moved to make her way back downstairs, throwing her cigarette out the open window. But as she opened the door to the basement, she knew she had made a mistake.

"Seb… shh." She heard Clary say, followed by some rustling and a laugh. Isabelle's eyes snapped up, and for the first time met Jace's.

She had seen him around before Clary and him had gotten together. He was somewhat surly, but admittedly gorgeous. But right now he looked lost, pissed off and worn out, and his attention had peaked the second Clary's voice had been heard. Before anyone knew what was happening, he had charged past Seelie, straight toward the basement.

Isabelle slammed the door shut, and this sound distracted Clary enough to pull away from Sebastian.

"What was that?" She said, and stood up from Sebastian, swatting at his hands. She pulled back on her shirt (that she didn't really remember taking off) and moved toward the door. She could hear voices.

"Don't." She heard Isabelle hiss; seconds later, the door to the basement was being thrown open, and Clary stumbled back as Jace came charging down the stairs. She slammed her back against the wall, but Jace wasn't heading toward her. Before she could say a word Jace had clocked the shirtless Sebastian, standing confused by the couch, and had swiftly made his way over to him, landing a steady punch before Sebastian could even protest. Sebastian groaned at the hit, and Clary screamed, seeing red.

"Get off him!" Clary shouted, running forward and catching Jace's arm. He shook her off, sending her to the ground, and Clary began to panic. She got back up and pulled at Jace, who had Sebastian by the neck, and began to shout. She wasn't alone for long, however, because Isabelle was right behind her, as was Jordan and Magnus. Sebastian had pulled his way out of Jace's grip and threw his own punch, his football player instincts kicking in as he dove at Jace. The two guys were wrestling on the floor, and Isabelle was holding back a sobbing Clary.

Seconds later Simon also came down the stairs; Jordan was between Jace and Sebastian, Magnus holding the black haired boy back, and Simon immediately put an arm around Jace's collar bones, holding him back.

"Enough!" He shouted roughly, and Jace pushed him off.

"I'm done, Si. I swear, I'm done."

Simon didn't let go, just pulling Jace out of the room by his neck, leaving behind a confused group of people, Jordan helping Sebastian while Seelie started to clear up the mess. Anger seethed within Clary, and while everyone else was still reeling she pulled away from Isabelle, running after the pair. Isabelle curse and ran after them too.

Simon was putting Jace into their car by the time Clary made it up there, and his eyes were flashing in anger as she approached. She shot Simon a look of warning, and in return the guy held up his hands, spotting Isabelle behind Clary and moving to talk to her. Clary marched up to Jace, watching him watch her, and slapped him across the face yet again. He didn't react, just breathed deeply, his chest rising and falling, his eyes blazing.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Clary shouted, shoving his chest. Jace let her. "Are you crazy, have you lost your mind? You could have hurt him!" She shouted, and Jace coughed out a laugh.

"I could've killed him, Cherry," He stated lowly, looking her in the eye. She caught a glance of his cut lip. "I could've killed him right there."

Clary shook her head.

"Why are you doing this to me?" Clary asked, and Jace wiped at his mouth, blood coming away. He looked down at her, unsmiling, and Clary felt the muscles in her stomach knot together, the same way they used to when he smiled at her. He set his jaw.

"Don't you get it? You're mine." He said lowly, taking a step toward her. Clary took a proportionate step back, and Jace bit back a grin.

"I think I made it pretty clear I'm not." She replied, and Jace just smiled grimly. Then something struck him, and he glanced around to see if anyone was around. He leant in close to her, close enough that he could smell the cigarettes and kush. Clary blinked.

"I never slept with Kaelie." He said, watching her face. Clary scoffed.

"Fuck you." She whispered, and he grinned.

"Gladly. But I never fucked Kaelie. I just… I wanted to get you back. I was jealous. But you know me better than that; I would never sleep with her."

Clary frowned, thinking back to that day. She shook her head, feeling herself come down and sober up in the embarrassment, fear, and confusion of the situation. She held her chin high.

"I don't believe you." She said, and Jace opened his mouth to say something. She cut him off. "Even if I did… the fact that you tried to hurt me like that, because you're so goddamn irrational that you thought my _brother _was some other guy… god, how could I ever forgive you?" She asked, and Jace just shook his head.

"You know how. You know _us, _Cherry."

Clary shook her head at the man in front of her.

"I don't know you at all."

She turned away from him, wiping at her eyes, and Isabelle pulled herself away from Simon. They made their way back into the house, Isabelle wrapping an arm around her shoulder. She didn't let herself glance back, pushing through the door to be met with Seelie sat beside Sebastian, icing his face, and Jordan leant against the counter.

"What the fuck was that all about?" Sebastian groaned, pushing Seelie away. Clary looked to Isabelle, who put on her game face.

"Fucking drug dealers. He was coked out or some shit." Isabelle said, pulling out a cigarette and lighting up. Clary moved to sit beside Sebastian, taking the ice from Seelie and holding it against his face gently, stroking his cheek. Sebastian grimaced.

"I've seen those guys around." Jordan said, and Maia nodded from under his arm.

"They aren't the nicest." Maia said, and Isabelle nodded.

"Well I won't be buying from them again, I mean Jesus, he was just beating the shit out of you for no reason." Seelie said, pointing to Sebastian, who rolled his eyes.

"I got a few good hits in." He said, laughing slightly, and Clary felt a smile pull at her lips.

"Yeah." She murmured, pressing a kiss gently to his lips. "You sure did."

That night as Clary rode to Isabelle's, she couldn't help but feel both guilt and confusion bubble within her. She leant her head against the window of Isabelle's Porsche, feeling the vibrations run through her. Everything Jace had said to her was replaying in her mind, over and over, and she couldn't think straight.

_Five Months Earlier_

"_Jace!" Clary shouted, entering Jace's apartment and dropping her bag\\. Jace lived alone in a quiet part of town, in an apartment above a vaguely respectable restaurant called 'Taki's', and Clary loved it. Here she was free, free from her parents, her persona, herself; Jace never made her pretend. They had only known each other a few months, but already she knew that she loved him. It had to be love, the way she felt. She looked around the small apartment, Styrofoam container of pancakes warm in her hands. There was a dim glow about the apartment, and as the sun set outside Clary felt the warmth of the summer leak into the house. She frowned, however, as Jace had yet to answer her._

"_Jace?" She called again, this time pushing into his room. She stopped still. _

_In Jace's bed, the one they had shared so many times, was a girl. A blonde that Clary didn't recognise, asleep in his bed. Clary sucked in a breath, dropping the container and choking as Jace's bathroom door opened, Jace stepping into the room in a cloud of steam, a towel around his waist. There was a hard look on his face as he noticed the blonde in his bed, and then he turned to Clary. His expression didn't soften. He didn't try to explain. He just rubbed his amber hair with a towel and watched her. He glanced down at the ground, then back to Clary._

"_You got syrup on my carpet." He said blankly._

_In that moment Clary felt a wrench in her gut and she turned away from him, from that room, and ran out of the apartment. _

Clary jolted from her reverie as Isabelle slammed the brakes, the pair coming skidding to a halt as they arrived at Isabelle's house.

"Fuck, Iz." Clary said as she swung forward, catching herself on the dash. Isabelle sighed.

"Sorry, doll. I just… fuck, why did Jace and Simon have to show up? Its just… such a mess." She replied, unbuckling her belt. Clary sighed.

"No one knows you and Simon are a thing." Clary said, following her into her house, and Isabelle shrugged.

"I mean, true, but fucking Jace was hella suspicious, why did he have to do that?" She replied. Clary gulped.

"He did it to fuck with me." Clary said, and Isabelle frowned in return.

"He needs to get a grip. He could ruin everything; he could've really hurt Seb." Isabelle said, leading them upstairs to their room, throwing down their bags and uniforms. Clary hung back, trying not to think about what Jace had said.

Of course he could ruin everything; he already had.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Quarantine is absolutely horrifying so I hope that any and everyone reading this is staying safe. Silver lining is the spare time I now have: it's very rough, but please enjoy. **

Clary felt like a stone was sitting directly in the pit of her stomach. As though someone had tied her intestines together and was twisting hard. As though she had her finger on the pin of a hand grenade, and her muscles were about to give out.

That was the effect that the Fray family dinner was having on her. Well, the Morgenstern family dinner.

Until she was fifteen years old, Clary hadn't known why her father had taken her mother's name after their marriage, why he made the decision to give up the part of himself that linked him to one of the wealthiest families in the state. But one day, bumping into a blonde that looked startling like her own father on the south side of town whilst trying to track down Isabelle at some senior's party, she had met her brother. And it all finally made sense.

Skip forward three years, and Clary was now stuck between her mother and father, hiding the fact that she knew about her brother from one, and that she knew what her mother got up to when her father wasn't home from the other. She tried not to gulp too loudly.

"Clarissa."

She sat up straight, shocked by the sound, and looked her grandmother Seraphina in the eye. She tried to smile, and knew that she failed.

"What's wrong, darling? Don't you like the veal?"

Clary pretended in that moment that the thought of chewing on a baby cow didn't turn her stomach and took a bite.

"No, grandma, it's great—" She tried not to hiss as her father gripped her knee under the table, sinking nails into her bare flesh. "I'm just tired today- I had practice until six."

Her grandmother smiled a soft smile; the kind that only a grandmother could, and Clary couldn't help but feel warm.

"Of course- I forgot! How is practice going, and Isabelle, I must remember to send her mother flowers for the card she sent for Oscar's funeral…" Her grandmother continued to talk, the lone figure against the jury that were Clary's parents. They were so rarely all together like this, she couldn't help but worry that at any point something might implode. She felt another sharp dig from her father and tuned back in.

"Yes." She said, putting down her fork and crossing her legs pointedly, pulling her father's nails from her skin. "Practice is going great; we have the regional heats this weekend and we've been going like crazy."

Her grandmother nodded, smiling.

"Such a shame neither of you will be there to see that." Her grandmother said pointedly to her parents, and Clary tensed. Valentine was the first to speak.

"As are we, mother. But business is business…"

"And I simply can't get out of this gala; as a member on the Board I'm expected there." Her mother replied, and Clary held back a laugh.

She had no idea what charity her mother was supporting, but it certainly wasn't anything real. Just an excuse to get champagne drunk with people she knew when she was younger and dumber and more carefree. This was the last obligatory family dinner before Valentine left, not planning to return until after Christmas. And Clary had more than a slight suspicion that her mother's 'gala' was code for 'Garroway'.

Her grandmother seemed to sense something was off, as before she knew it Clary and her family had been dismissed from the dinner, her grandmother retiring early, and they were sat in her father's car as he drove them home.

"Couldn't you, for once, not act like a wet flannel in front of your grandmother?" Her father shouted, clenching the steering wheel, and Clary's mother in the passenger seat stared out of the window, bored.

"Sorry." She mumbled, and her father scoffed.

"Sorry… you're always sorry these days, Clarissa. Why are you like this? Why can't you be normal?"

She sat back in her seat. Maybe her mother would defend her.

"Why don't you fucking _talk. _I mean, Jesus, she's going to think you're remedial. Fucking idiot."

Or maybe not.

…

"Knock, knock…" Clary whispered, climbing through Isabelle's window. Isabelle was sat in bed, face mask on, Netflix already playing. She barely glanced up as Clary rolled onto the floor- they had been pulling the same stunts since they were kids.

"Alec's here." Isabelle said, nodding to the door, and Clary smiled as she stared at the ceiling from her place from the floor. Isabelle leaned over the bed to look her friend in the eye. "Are you on something?" She asked, tilting her head, and Clary laughed.

"Yeah… I think I am. "

She tossed a small bottle from her pocket to Isabelle who deftly caught it and read the label.

"Your mom's antidepressants… nice one, how many you take?" She asked, placing one on her tongue. Clary held up three fingers and laughed, and Isabelle laughed with an eyebrow raised.

"Go say hello to the boys, they're making dinner in the kitchen." Isabelle said, leaning back to paint her nails.

"Kay…" Clary whispered, standing up and throwing her bag down onto the bed; Isabelle reached out a hand and gripped her arm.

"Wait…" She muttered, pulling her dazed friend closer. "What the fuck, Clary- look at that thing!" She exclaimed as she took in Clary's eyes, the swollen lid and the dried blood. Clary didn't even wince. "What did that motherfucker _do?"_

Clary laughed, knowing it was the drugs that were making her quite so giddy.

"Not motherfucker… mother." She said sombrely. "It was my fault though, I pissed Valentine off tonight and he took it out on her. I probably would do the same."

She flashed back to an hour ago, her father already on a plane getting the hell out of dodge, and her drunk mother pushing her hard onto the stairs, flinching as her daughter's face connected with the railing. Isabelle hissed.

"She said sorry." Clary muttered.

"I don't give a fuck. You can't stay there anymore, Clary, not while your parents are there." She said with malice, and Clary shrugged.

"It's fine, Issa. They're both gone for the next god knows how long anyway, I just need to hide out here tonight."

Isabelle's expression darkened, but she simply pursed her lips. "You're staying here then. Until Christmas. Hell, stay _for _Christmas! We can have an orphan Annie day, I'm sure Alec will come."

Clary smiled lightly, patting Isabelle's arm and trying not to cry at the fact she didn't deserve a friend like Izzy. "That sounds perfect. Okay—" She stood up and made her way to the door. "I'll see you down there."

"Helloo?" Clary called out as she entered the kitchen, the smell of pasta sauce and garlic assaulting her.

"My darling!"

It wasn't until she was engulfed in a shimmering cloud of Magnus Bane that she realised quite how high she was, as she hadn't even seen him coming. But having his arms wrapped around her felt good, safe. She grinned.

"Hey, Mags." She murmured into his shoulder, letting him pull back and look at her. She could see his face darken at her eye but ignored it. "And Alexander!" She said, pulling away from the tall man to hug Isabelle's brother.

Isabelle and Alec were like two sides of the same coin- they shared the same sharp features, prominent jaw and dark hair. They had the same eyes- except where Isabelle's were warm brown, his were an icy blue. He was a few years older but was only in his first year of college as he's taken time out of school after his younger brother's death, living with his father in a different district while studying part time at some private college his father was paying for. And whenever Alec was home, you could guarantee that Magnus would try and show up.

He had loved him since they were kids. Alec had yet to realise.

"Clary Fray, what in the fuck happened to your face?" Alec asked quietly, keeping the small girl at arm's length as he took in her features. Clary stared hard back at him, forever startled by how similar he was to his sister.

"You should see the other guy." She said, laughing. "You know me, Al, I just need to stay out of Pandemonium."

Alec didn't look convinced, but dropped the subject.

"What are you doing up here?" She asked Alec, distracting him and dipping a spoon into the sauce on the stove and taking a bite. Magnus sat down at the breakfast bar and continued to make the salad, and Alec stirred a pot of simmering water.

"I came to watch your regionals." He said, watching her carefully. "Mom's gone, Dad won't visit… I thought it'd be nice."

Clary raised her eyebrows.

"No cheerleading where you're at?" She laughed, and he frowned in response.

"This is your last year, Clary. We're all rooting for you. We want you to do well."

Clary blinked.

"That's… that's so nice of you … thanks." She picked at her fingernail. "We really need it to go well."

"I know, Izzy said your chance of getting on the team at NYU will be so much better if you win Nationals." Alec said quietly, and Clary nodded.

"Yeah. Plus, it'll mean we haven't actually wasted our entire life on a useless sport." Magnus interjected, winking at his teammate, and Clary threw a tomato at him.

They were laughing as Isabelle finally padded her way into the kitchen; but she wasn't alone.

"Alec, Magnus, this is Simon- Si, this is my brother and Magnus, you've probably seen him around."

Simon grinned and nodded, his tall frame engulfed in a hug by Magnus, a slightly appraising look from Alec following him in.

Clary stood stock still as she took in the scene; Simon, in all his lanky glory, was staring directly at her, only looking away as Magnus and Alec approached him to shake his hand. Clary swallowed dryly, not taking her eyes off of him as Isabelle slid next to her at the stove.

"Don't be mad." Isabelle whispered, watching they boys interact.

"I'm not."

"You look mad."

"Isabelle, I'm not mad." She reached out a finger to Isabelle, joining their pinkies and squeezing, still not looking away. "I just don't want him going and blabbing everything about me to Jace."

"He won't. I made him promise… I just want him to meet Alec, and they're staying the whole week for the competition… I thought it would be a good time."

"It is." She finally looked away, catching Isabelle's eye. "It's a good idea. I'm just happy you're happy."

Isabelle laughed, tossing her perfect hair behind her ear.

"You're really high right now, huh?" She said, and Clary grinned.

"Just accept my acceptance. You only see this once in a blue moon."

"Ain't that the truth." Isabelle said, squeezing her friend before moving forward to set the table, smiling lightly at Simon as she passed.

…

Isabelle and Magnus were laughing hysterically at the sink, splashing more bubbles on each other than on the plates that they were trying to clean, and Clary excused herself from the table to smoke whilst Simon's attention was with Alec. She slipped out onto the porch, the fall air finally turning to chill, and sat on the steps. Dinner had been nice, really nice, but Clary couldn't help but feel tense whenever Simon caught her eye, or tried to ask her a question. She sighed into the night, sparking up a cigarette an trying to slow her heart's erratic beat. It seemed like the pills had finally worn off.

"Can I mooch one?"

Clary jumped at the sudden interruption to the silence and turned to see Simon leaning against the door. He slumped down on the step beside her and she silently handed him the packet and the lighter, waiting for him to light it before reaching for it again. She held her breath.

"What happened to your face?" He asked quietly, and Clary cringed, sucking back another puff. Simon nodded. "Right… none of my business. Look, I just wanted to tell you, the way I feel about Izzy… it's different. It's not part of my world. I'm not going to pretend that we can all just be happy families, that Jace didn't do to you what he did."

Her head snapped up at that.

"Don't talk to him about me, okay Lewis?" She said vehemently, and Simon nodded gravely. "As long as you keep my business to yourself…" She took a deep drag. "I don't care what you do. I love Izzy, you make her happy. As long as you don't hurt her, you're fine by my standards."

Simon grinned.

"High praise from Miss Clary Fray." Clary scowled at his response, and he rubbed at his hair. "I also… well, I also wanted to say that I'm sorry. I never checked in on you." He said quietly, looking out to the driveway. "I like you a lot, you were good for him. And I knew you would never cheat on him. I should have defended you more."

"That's not your job. He's not a baby, he can make his own choices. You know him better than I do—" She stopped herself. "Than I _did. _I don't need you to apologise for him." She made to stand up.

"Hey, I know you don't _need _me to… I want to. I want you to be okay." Clary blinked yet again; she couldn't help but look into his eyes, searching the brown depths for signs of sincerity.

"I'm just peachy, Simon. Thanks."

Finally standing up she made her way back into the house, murmuring a quiet goodnight to Alec and Magnus before heading to Isabelle's room, falling asleep to the sound of distant laughter and a forgotten friend.

That night she dreamt about Jonathon, and the next morning set off early to see her brother.

Jon seemed to be the only uncomplicated thing in her life- which was ironic, considering she wasn't even meant to know who he was. He was three years older than her, ran a tattoo parlour in the centre of town, and was the only person she really trusted. The day they met was one of the first times that Clary realised her father wasn't the man he said he was. Because Jonathon had been eighteen years old, and her parents had just celebrated their twentieth anniversary.

He had known who she was when they met: he said he recognised her straight away. It turns out that whilst Clary had been living it up in the big house in the nice neighbourhood, Valentine had offered Jonathon's mother, Lilith, half a million dollars when Jonathon turned three, telling her to never contact him again because Jocelyn was pregnant. She had told him where to stick his money and told him to stay away. And when Jonathon had found out, he had grown up believing that he was second best.

At first he had resented her, telling her to leave him and his mother alone. She hadn't listened.

It wasn't until one night after a particularly bad argument between Valentine and Clary that she showed up at his house with a bloody lip and nowhere else to go that he finally let her into his life. Of course, he resented her, she had understood that. But she needed him to understand that he wasn't the one stuck with the short straw. She was.

Clary had also met Jonathon's mother that night, and it made her heart ache. She was so similar to her own mother: a creative spirit, set in her ways. The only difference was that Lily was an independent force and hadn't put up with Valentine's crap. Jocelyn, on the other hand, was too lost in her world. She had thought that Lily would hate her, being the child that ended her relationship, but she turned out to be far better natured than her own parents. She understood what Valentine was like.

As Clary arrived at the small apartment complex, she felt a familiar wave of calm settle over her, and as her brother buzzed her in she finally felt sane for the first time in weeks.

"Clare!"

Clary hadn't even needed to knock on the door— Lily had already pulled it open, pulling her into a swift hug. Clary grinned, placing her bag on the ground and letting herself be wrapped in warmth. Looking over Lily's shoulder, Jonathon came into view- still living with his mother, as they co owned the tattoo shop. He smiled, but only lightly. Pulling back, Clary glanced between the two. When she had met Jonathon, she had only seen parts of Valentine- his height, the sharp jaw, the blonde hair, but meeting Lily made her realise that both she and Jonathon looked like their mothers. Lily was shorter, willowy, with the same bright blonde hair as her son, and bright green eyes that were startling against her flawless skin. She was still beautiful, and young, having had Jonathon when she was only seventeen. Clary smiled at her.

"Hi, Lil. Sorry to barge in."

"Nonsense, come and sit down. Jon, put the kettle on the stove- I want tea before I go to work." She commanded him as she pulled Clary inside. Jon rolled his eyes at his sister, leading them into a small, warm kitchen. "Shouldn't you be at school?" She asked as they sat down, and Clary rolled her eyes.

"I decided to take a personal day… I have cheer practice later anyway. I just can't be bothered right now."

"Yeah, high school is the fucking worst." Jonathon laughed, sitting opposite her and looking her in the eye. "Although, Alicante is rich as hell… I feel like you might want to give Xavier's a go, then tell me you hate it."

Clary's heart jumped. Xavier's was where Jace went, and Simon. She laughed too though, swatting at him.

"Yeah yeah, I get it, be grateful—" She smiled as Lily handed her a cup of steaming tea. "I just can't wait to be out of there." She said lightly. Jon leant back in his chair.

"You got your place at NYU confirmed yet?" He asked, and Clary grinned.

"Yup. And—" She stopped herself. She hadn't told anyone this yet. " They want to give me a partial scholarship for my art." She finished.

Lily cheered, patting her on the back, and Jonathon grinned.

"Really spreading your wings, huh?" He joked, and Clary hit him again.

"Hey… all I need now is to get on a cheer scholarship, the ones Iz and I are going for. Then I won't need a cent from my parents."

Both Jonathon and Lily went quiet; neither of them had mentioned it, but they both knew why Clary's coverup was so thick around her eye.

"Look, Clary, Mom and I have been talking, and if you would be up for it… well, if you wouldn't mind leaving the bookshop… you could come work in the shop some days? Just doing the reception, the register, a bit of admin… maybe some designing? We've got Bat too so you won't be alone… Low commitment, a bit of cash – oof!" he was cut off from his nervous offer by Clary leaping from her chair and wrapping throwing her arms around him, grinning.

"Yes! Oh my god, yes, please." She said hurriedly, not wanting him to take it back. "Please."

"Done and done, short stuff." Jonathon muttered, patting her back awkwardly as she pulled away- he wasn't an especially affectionate person, but was used to Clary's enthusiasms. She pulled away, still smiling, and she and Jon chatted as Lily got ready for work, shooting them a wave as she left. The second she was gone Jon was scraping his chair toward her, reaching out and taking her face in his hand. She hissed, and he ignored her as he inspected her eye.

"What the hell, Clare? Take that shit off…" He said aggressively, and Clary glared back at him, hitting away his hand.

"Don't do that." She spat, scooching away from him, only leading to him scooching his chair right back.

"Was that Valentine?" He asked, and Clary rolled her eyes.

"Obviously not, dick. I hit my face on the bannister yesterday." She said: knowing instantly that he didn't believe her. "It's nothing, okay? It'll be gone in a few days."

"I can't believe this… why do you defend him? We all know that he's a piece of shit, you need to tell someone, your mom…"

Clary couldn't help but feel hot tears well up in her eyes; knowing that although her father wasn't kind, her mother wasn't exactly either.

"You don't know what the hell you're on about, Jon." She said, standing up and grabbing her bag. "Look, I have to go."

"Clary!" Jon said, getting in her way, "This isn't alright! You need to put a stop to this, you don't deserve it—"

"What the hell do you know!" She burst out, chest heaving. The look on his face told her that he hadn't expected that, but she couldn't stop herself. "You don't get it, Jon, you have Lily. You don't understand."

She moved to get past him, making her way to the door.

"Oh, I don't get it? You're lecturing me about struggles, about ignorance, you don't know how lucky you have it!"

She froze. Let her head hang. Took a breath.

There were two things that she could do at this point. She could turn around, scream at him that he didn't understand what it was like to be her, to be a Fray, to be the daughter of two people that were too wrapped up in themselves to see that she was sinking. Or she could let it go, and not lose the only person in the world that shared the same blood as her that she could trust. Deep breath.

"I'm sorry," She muttered, turning around briefly. "You're right. But I promise, this wasn't Dad." She cut him off before he could shout any more. "I really have to go, Jon, I have practice... Love you- I'll call you and Lily about shifts tomorrow."

Before he could protest, she was out the door, sprinting toward the stairs and making her way breathlessly onto the street, eyes blurring with tears and her chest aching.

….

"Maia, I swear to fuck you need to get those kicks higher!" Isabelle called from her position on the bleachers, dark hair tied back tightly as she watched the squad perform their meticulous routine. Clary was occupied, being thrown in the air by Eric and Liam, concentrating not on Isabelle's voice but on staying alive whilst flinging herself into the air and contorting herself into impossible shapes. She landed, stepped, clapped her hands against Seelie and Maia and allowed herself to be lifted up, hanging tightly onto Helen, a blonde senior that Clary felt confident in trusting as she was flung to the top of a pyramid.

They were in perfect time. Isabelle was shouting. Everyone was sweating.

And when the music stopped, Clary felt nothing but euphoria.

She sat stock still in her splits, the freeze frame of their final position burning under the scrutiny of Isabelle's eyes. They were all out of breath but were holding in their pants, keeping form and posture. Isabelle stood up.

And grinned.

"Fuck yes!" She screamed, and all of a sudden they were all screaming, Clary being pulled to her feet by Maia and pulled into a hug. Isabelle was never happy with what they did. But she finally was.

"That kicked a-s-s!" She screamed out again, puling Clary over and pressing her into a tight hug. "Fuck, yes." She finally breathed, and they all laughed. She was never like this.

Clary was grinning too- in approximately three hours, their whole group would be loaded onto a bus, driven by Maia, a mystery to them all, and taken to St Xavier's where the regional qualifiers were being held. They had already landed themselves a top spot at sectionals at the start of the year, and now all they had to do was come in first or second to make their way to the National Championships. Clary was buzzing with energy, with excitement. It was stupid, but she lived for this shit.

She was also high on Isabelle's energy: she had been enjoying staying in the house with Alec and Magnus there- Magnus helped them practice their splits, Alec cooked them dinner every night, and they had been falling asleep way too late watching reruns of Murder She Wrote. She loved them all.

Simon had also wriggled his way into her affections. He was so chill, flitting in and out of Isabelle's house like he belonged there. He had been the one to drop them to school that morning, and Clary hadn't even noticed when she laughed at his jokes and waved goodbye.

When she didn't have to see her parents, life was kind of good.

"Okay everyone, eat lunch, shower because you all stink, and then we'll meet by the bus before two." Isabelle commanded, pulling her hair from her ponytail and clapping her hands. "We'll do make up on the bus- no Eric, you don't have to wear it if you don't want to- so make sure you've got nothing crazy on."

"Yes boss." Seelie said in mock salute, earning a swat from Isabelle as they exited the gym. Izzy smiled at Clary, swinging her arm over her best friend's shoulder.

"Alec says they're setting up for tonight." Isabelle said, grinning and pulling a chapstick from her leggings. Clary laughed.

"Alec's staying for the party?" She asked, and Isabelle nodded.

"Yep! A load of his friends are coming down for the night, and Sebastian promised he's spread the word."

Clary smiled.

"So… its gonna be a big one then?" They slipped into the changing room, stripping off and standing under the weak streams of cool water that came from the showers. Isabelle shouted over the cubicle, knowing the stream was too weak to drown them out.

"Hopefully! I'm in the mood for a blowout!" Isabelle shouted, and Clary laughed whilst trying to scrub her hair as quickly as possible. They had gotten out of lessons for the day due to practice, but she knew that Isabelle would want to meet the team at lunch to go over final details. They dried off and changed into their competition uniform, pulling on sweats and heading to the cafeteria.

"You look like a drowned rat." Magnus said as they slipped into their seats in the quiet cafeteria, dodging Clary's hit as he pushed a salad toward her. "Eat."

"Thanks, Mags—so kind of you." She chewed quietly whilst the team settled around her, face breaking into a smile when she spotted Sebastian sneaking in the side door; he smiled too, a wide grin , and came and slumped down beside her, planting a kiss on her cheek as she shook him off.

"Hey! Stop…" She laughed, letting him shuffle closer and tuck an arm around her shoulders. "How's your day been?" She asked, and Sebastian laughed in response.

"You mean week? I feel like I haven't seen you in forever." He replied, twirling a piece of her wet hair that was gradually turning back into its natural mess. Clary flushed, looking down.

"Yeah, I know… I've just been so busy." She said, stabbing a stale piece of lettuce. "I'm sorry."

"It's all good- how about I take you out after your competition? Before Izzy's? I'm coming to watch with Jordan and Raph anyway, I can take you somewhere nice…"

He seemed antsy, like she would say no, and Clary felt a wave of guilt. Everything in her life was always so full on and intense, it sometimes slipped her mind that the people around her needed her to be normal. Present. She smiled, looking into his dark eyes, and pressed her lips lightly against his.

"That sounds perfect, Seb. Can't wait."

His expression broke into a wide, toothy smile and he squeezed her gently, leaning in again. They were interrupted by the sound of gagging, and Clary looked up to see Isabelle pretending to throw up between bites of her sandwich.

"Shut up." She said, sticking her tongue out at her friend whilst everyone laughed. Magnus nudged her gently, and she turned to press her face a bit closer to his.

"Pretty boy is being especially friendly- what did he do wrong?" He asked, and Clary rolled her eyes.

"He did nothing wrong, Mag. We just haven't seen each other a lot lately."

"Social butterfly, that's you. Does he know you're staying with Izzy?" He said, and Clary glared.

"Everyone knows I'm staying with Izzy."

"You know what I mean, Fray. Does he know mommy and daddy are out of town?"

Clary raised an eyebrow.

"Why is that any of his business?" She replied, met with Magnus' knowing look.

"I just want to know how serious you and pretty boy are, you know. Clearly you're not letting him into your deepest and darkest—" Clary elbowed him lightly and he pressed his lips together. "Sorry. I just mean I'm wondering."

"Well stop wondering. I like him, and he's sat _right here_. So stop with the interrogation."

Magnus could tell he'd touched a nerve and sat back, eyebrows perpetually raised, and Clary just rolled her eyes.

"Okay ladies and gents—and all those beyond—we have half an hour until we need to get on the bus so please report to me and Mags for makeup and hair." Isabelle said to the table, clapping her hands. The regular lunch crowd began to trickle in as the team began a manic musical chairs to get prepared, Jordan and Sebastian helping Maia load bags onto the van as the Clary's hair was tugged into a tight, sleek ponytail. She blinked away the glitter in her eye as her heart began to flutter, and she let Sebastian kiss her through the open window as they all finally loaded their way onto the bus.

"Are you nervous?" She asked Isabelle when it was finally just them, smoking one cigarette between them to preserve their sense of health, cross legged at the back of the bus. Isabelle grinned, brown eyes wide and wild.

"Terrified." She said, laughing, and Clary rubbed her temple.

"Me too… this means everything, right now. If we can get on the team…"

"It means freedom."

"Freedom sound nice right about now."

Isabelle frowned, dropping the stub out the window.

"We can do this, yeah? Me and you? Make it out of this shit hole and do something _good_."

There was something in her voice, a string of hope at the edge of her usual hardness, the usual confidence. Something deeper than she was saying.

"Of course we are," Clary said firmly. "We're going to go to NYU, become famous artists, buy a huge mansion and fill it with microwave popcorn and high heels and shitty 80's movies. We're going to be happy."

Isabelle grinned again, clutching the seat as Maia swerved a pothole.

"Hell yeah we are."

….

Maybe Clary was the one who was nervous. She couldn't breathe, couldn't move. She was completely still.

The lights had yet to come up, but she was currently stood with her hands on her hips, back straight, legs planted firmly shoulder width apart. They had already watched St Xavier's team perform their explosive routine, as well as two teams from inter regional high schools. The fourth team to perform had dropped out because their team captain fell and broke their ankle, absolutely nothing to do with Isabelle, apparently, and now they were all on stage, set to go, and Clary could feel her heart beating so loud that she almost thought it might drown out the music.

Silence. Darkness.

And then the scene bloomed into life: she heard Isabelle shout their drill command and all of a sudden they were bathed in a blinding light, the music deafening in her ears. All there was left to do was smile and step in perfect formation. She couldn't see the audience, none of them could, but they could feel the baited breaths as the flyers were flung into unimaginable positions, as the team threw themselves into shapes and steps that they had been practicing for a month. Clary felt elation build up inside of her—she wasn't nervous. She was _alive._ For the first time in a long time.

She felt Magnus and Liam wrap their hands around her ankles and she braced herself for their show stopper: she couldn't see them, but she could sense the pyramid forming behind her, could feel Magnus and Liam getting themselves ready. Thirty seconds left, they would be forming a net with their limbs, ready to catch her as she jumped up, one, two, three times, the final time feeling the full strength of the two boys flinging her up. She twisted in the air, flipped herself over in an arc over Isabelle before feeling her back hit the human trampoline. She was flung up once more, flipped over herself again, and finally she landed. A perfect split as the pyramid came flowing down, Isabelle and Maia raised high, the rest of the girls posed perfectly around her as she held in her breathing. The music stopped.

She blinked.

And finally the world around her erupted into applause—the lights dimmed and she could finally see the audience, the beaming face of Alec who was front and centre, clapping as excitedly as she had ever seen him—which was admittedly not that excitedly. Jordan and Sebastian were with Raphael and Liam's girlfriend, stomping their feet and waving the Alicante banner above their heads, cheering louder than any of the teams had cheered. Clary knew she couldn't move yet, could only hold her stiff pose and grin like her life depended on it. But in that moment, she knew something that would be confirmed to her an hour later, after she had been pulled from the ground by Isabelle and the team had shared a ten minute long group hug and a share bag of Snickers. They had won. They were going to Nationals.

It was only later that evening when she was sat snuggled up with Sebastian in a booth outside under the stars at the fanciest restaurant they could find on short notice that she finally felt she could catch her breath. He had wrangled his way into getting them a bottle of wine, and Clary felt herself getting tipsy and carefree.

"I won't even lie, Clary, when you did that last flip over Isabelle's head I swear to God I thought you were gonna break you neck. How the fuck do you do that shit?" He asked breathlessly, an arm around her shoulder.

"That's years of Isabelle being a slave driver." She joked lightly, sipping her wine, and Sebastian laughed.

"She was fucking awesome too, man. You all were."

Clary could see out of the corner of her eye a waiter clearing the table, clearly uncomfortable at Sebastian's slightly slurred profanity. As he passed, she shot him a look of apology that was met with a curt smile, and picked up Seb's glass for herself, swatting his hand away and laughing.

"Hey! This is my celebration."

There was something sharp in the way he looked at her, only briefly, behind his eyes, and Clary swallowed down the last of the wine as Sebastian stood up and threw a fistful of bills on the table, pulling on his coat and reaching out an arm for her.

"C'mon," he said, pulling her to her feet and moving toward the parking lot, "we have a celebration to get to."

…..

Yet again Clary found herself arriving late to a party, one that was seemingly already in full swing. Sebastian was tense the whole journey, probably wound up from drinking too much, and he flung himself from the car the second he parked up. Clary took her time, lighting up a cigarette and making her way into the party, looking out for Isabelle as the wall of sound hit her. It was already dark and hazy, the stink of skunk and cheap beer almost assaulting to her. She couldn't see any of her teammates, all probably too far gone already, so instead settled for pouring herself the biggest vodka diet coke she could fit in a cup and heading for the yard. It was less crazy out there and she could actually feel herself think. Perching on one of the many stone steps she took a long drink and lit a cigarette, ready to get a bit drunker and find Isabelle.

"Hey."

Clary jumped slightly, looking up to see the lanky figure of Simon leaning over her. She smiled lightly.

"Hey, Simon." She said, remembering Isabelle's plea for her to go easy on him. "Where's Iz?" She asked, and he dropped beside her, accepting a cigarette and lighting up.

"Ah… Isabelle is—"

"Drunk?" She said, and he nodded.

"Yep. I was just here with a few buddies, wanted to congratulate her. But she said I'd better keep my distance." There was a touch of sadness in his voice. Something Clary understood: it was no fun being someone's dirty little secret.

"She's probably just trying to keep you safe from Seb. He's pretty pissed at—" She cut herself off. Jace.

"Yeah, yeah I know. Just sucks." He took a long drag and flicked his warm eyes over to her. "You did awesome tonight, too." He said much to Clary's amusement. "We were all watching."

Clary felt a hot blush rise up her cheeks and smiled.

"Thanks, Simon. That means a lot."

They sat in companiable silence for a while, laughing at the drunken partygoers tripping over themselves to try and get indoors. It must have been fifteen minutes before Simon got a message on his phone. He coughed lightly.

"Hey, a buddy of mine is gonna pull up so we can smoke—wanna join?"

And that's how Clary Fray ended up in a beat up Toyota outside Isabelle Lightwood's driveway, buzzed to cloud nine, passing a blunt around between herself, Simon, and Bat Levesque. He was a senior at Xavier's too, and Clary already knew him well—he worked at Lilith's, and it had been his fateful birthday party so long ago now that Clary had attended with Jon. Where Jace had obviously seen her.

She was stretched out in the backseat, laughing at Simon's Kermit the Frog impression and swaying her hand above her head in time to the music.

"Big Lou Reed fan?" Bat said, turning in his seat and handing her the last stub. Clary sat up slowly, inhaling deeply.

"Nah… I just like this one in this moment." She said, flicking her eyes over him.

"How'd you get that?" She blurted out, her hazy mind unable to stop her overstepping the mark and asking bat about the long, thick scar that ran from his forehead to the corner of his lip. Bat grimaced.

"A gift from a friend." He said, and Simon chuckled, flicking the light on in the car and bathing them all in an amber glow.

"A friend that gives _excellent _gifts, I'm sure Clary knows all about that." He slurred. "I'm starving, can we get food?" Was the whine that followed, ignoring the confused look from both Bat and Clary. Bat shrugged.

"I'm always down for food—how about you, princess?" Bat said, casting his dark eyes on her, and she nodded eagerly, lying back down across the backseat.

"I'm ravenous too." She said, staring up out the sunroof as Bat started the car, jaggedly moving them away from the chaos of Isabelle's house into the throes of the night.

That was how Clary ended up sat on the roof of Bat's car at two in the morning, eating fries from a paper bag as Simon and Bat rolled around on the concrete parking lot, shouting obscenities at each other whilst occasionally asking her to referee.

"Okay! Okay! Truce." Simon panted, lying on his back on the cold floor, staring up at the stars. "I'm sorry." He laughed, and Bat thumped his stomach.

"Wait, what are you sorry for?" Bat asked, and Clary nearly choked on a fry trying not to laugh. Simon scratched his head.

"Honestly I don't know. Getoof." He mumbled, pushing the other boy off of him and scrambling onto the roof, taking the food from Clary much to her chagrin. Bat rolled onto the hood of his car, lyimg facing the stars.

"Man, I really need to wait for this to wear off before I drive again." He said, staring at the sky.

"That's fine by me." Said Simon, slightly bitterly.

"What's up your butt?" Clary asked, stealing another fry, and Simon leant back, looking at the sky too.

"I wish she would tell her friends about me." He whispered, and Clary sighed, crossing her legs and feeling the roof groan.

"Why?" She asked.

"What do you mean, why? She's ashamed of me. She doesn't think I'm good enough and she never will."

"Oh, that's bullshit."

"Well, she won't introduce me to any of her friends, or her parents—"

Clary cut him off. "She introduced you to me, which is by far the biggest tell that she means business. And Alec and Mags, and I'm sure she'll tell Maia too. The thing with Izzy is that she doesn't let a lot of people close. But when she does—" Clary had to take a deep breath, up the heartrate that had slowed due to a mixture of exhaustion and marijuana—" she gives the whole of her heart."

"Fucking hell—why do I feel like we're hiding then?" He asked, and Clary grimaced.

"I mean, half the people we hang out with don't give a shit about Izzy—hell, neither do her parents. Maybe hiding is good. People are judgemental. They have dumb opinions—maybe keeping it hidden is best for everyone." She said carefully, not quite sure who she was persuading.

"C'mon, red. Look how well that worked out for you and Herondale." He murmured and Clary caught her breath.

"What!" They both jumped as Bat, who had for a long time been silent, jumped upright to scrutinise Clary. "You're the chick that's got Herondale all shit-for-brained?"

Clary opened her mouth wordlessly, shooting Simon a furious look as the boy in front of her just mouthed an apology.

"Herondale has always had shit for brains." Simon said lightly, trying to diffuse the tension.

"What—I mean, wha—when, why—what!?"

"Are you sure you aren't the one with shit for brains." Clary muttered, lying back so that her back hit the roof too. "It was nothing,"

"But when did this happen! I've known Jace his whole damn life, he's the one that gave me this damn scar, and yet he wouldn't tell me a damn thing about the girl he was hiding in his bed."

Clary swallowed thickly. They were making it sound so much dirtier. Well, she thought, it had been pretty dirty, but not like that.

"It doesn't matter what we were. What we _are _is over. He made sure of that." She replied bitterly, and Bat laughed.

"Ouch," He said, slipping off the car and lighting up a cigarette, reaching up and tugging on Clary's arm so that she was upright, watching him. "That's not what he says."

Simon sat upright at that too, glancing around as though someone might be watching, and shot Bat a warning look again.

"Shut the fuck up, man."

"Nah, whenever he's high he goes on and on about the girl that broke his heart, the girl that he'll do anything to get back." Clary swallowed, watching Bat's eager watching of her. "Can't believe it turned out to be a cute shortstack from the north side. Jonathon's little baby sister." She widened her eyes, hoping that Simon didn't hear that.

Clary blushed red and pushed herself off the car, opening the back door. "Let's go back. I think Izzy will wonder where I am." She said carefully as Simon slipped off the car too. "Please."

Bat just bit his lip and nodded, whistling and wandering to the front seat, climbing in and staring the engine the second that Simon had ducked his head in. They drove back in silence, blaring music drowning out any tension, and Clary took the opportunity to flick Simon in the back of the head.

"Ow!" He yelled indignantly, turning to look at her. "What the hell!"

"Thanks a lot, asshole, now he knows about me and –"

"Oh, relax, red. He's so high he'll probably forget anyway. And besides, you keep telling me that you and him are over." He said, rubbing his head. Clary frowned.

"We are over." She responded vehemently, and Simon shot her a knowing smirk.

"Well for two people who claim to want nothing to do with one another, you sure as hell spend a lot of time talking about each other." Clary opened her mouth, ready to argue, but Simon just reached out a hand and lightly shut her open jaw. "Don't. I remember how the two of you were together, even if you're pretending you don't. You could just, you know, talk to _him._"

Clary swallowed. "No I couldn't." She whispered, Simon's hand still on her chin, and he smiled crookedly.

"Course you could. You're a big girl. Sometimes you need to ignore the people that hurt you, pretend they don't exist. And sometimes you need to heal what's been broken."

The car came to a rough stop and Bat nearly immediately placed his head on the wheel, falling into a wordless sleep. Clary wiped at an eye, not realising that she had started to cry.

"My fucking heart is what's broken, Lewis." She whispered, him looking into her deep green eyes and smiling sympathetically.

"I know." He said. "Maybe do it anyway. Hell, I may be fucking miserable half the time, but we both know I'm not leaving Iz anytime soon because I lo—"

Love.

This time he cut himself off, and Clary continued to wipe her eyes. "It's okay. Say it, I kind of already knew. You love her, she loves you, even though you've known each other for like two months. It's nice."

Simon bit his lip.

"Talk to Jace." He said. For a long moment, the kind that stretched between two eternities, Clary imagined that she would talk to him, that she'd call up the number she didn't know that she had memorised and walk to the apartment he shared with his cousin and they would sit on his couch talking until the sun came up, like they did that first night. That she would sleep next to him. Curled up beside him, like she did a week after that.

Then she blinked, and she was back in the old Toyota, Simon clambering from the vehicle and opening the door for her. She accepted his hand and brushed herself off as he got back into the car, leaning down to his open window.

"I'm with Seb, now," She said, pushing a curl behind her ear. "and I'm happy. But thank you, Si. I can see why Izzy keeps you around."

Simon smiled sadly as she walked away, knowing full well that she was lying.

…

Riotously drunk. That's what Magnus kept saying. And for once, Clary and Isabelle were inclined to agree with their overly theatrical. Clary had arrived back to find the living room already flooded with people grinding on each other, no sign of the party stopping any time soon. Isabelle had been mixing drinks for two guys that Clary didn't know, Sebastian and the others nowhere in sight, and the semi privacy allowed the two friends to drink more than they should have in order to catch up. It was nearly three in the morning by the time that Clary finally found all her friends, and her and Isabelle found themselves sat on the floor of one of Isabelle's many immaculate bathrooms as Helen's girlfriend Aline puked her guts out, Maia and Seelie sat giggling in the bathtub.

"No listen, he was _hot, _like, Sebastian hot." Seelie laughed, waving away Clary's indignation.

"Well why don't you just date him then." Maia said, listening to Seelie talk about the guy that she had been making out with all evening.

"Eh." Seelie shrugged. "He was one of Alec's college friends, I think. I don't want that hassle—he was just super cute."

"You think everyone is hot." Clary said, trying to ignore Aline's puking. Seelie tried to aim a bottle of shampoo at her, failing miserably in her inebriated state. In the background of the party there was the distinct sound of smashing, and Isabelle wobbled to her feet, her already short dress rising up her skyscraper legs. Clary scrambled to follow, and they stumbled through the dregs of the party to the sound system, Isabelle pulling the plug to a chorus of groans.

"Yeah, yeah." She yelled, waving her hand at her classmates. "everybody out!"

People began to filter past, and in her haze Clary saw Alec and a few of his friends herding the crowd out. She also saw Magnus with him, and urged her drunk brain to remember that detail for later. Isabelle stumbled onto the couch, and Clary watched as Simon materialised, Isabelle letting him carefully loop her arm around his shoulder and carry her off upstairs. Clary stumbled her way throughout the house as people filtered out and upstairs, looking for her phone.

"Clare!" Clary looked up at the sound and saw Sebastian barrelling toward her. She smiled lightly, frowning when she felt his hand wrap around her arm "You're coming with me, okay?"

He was grinning but was also dragging her toward the door. "Wait, Seb, I'm staying here." She mumbled, tripping over her feet. "Sebastian!"

She knew her voice was garbled, but surely, he could hear her. Her feet were skimming the ground, and before she knew it, she was out the door. There was a swell of anger growing within her, frustration at her parents, at herself. At Sebastian. Finally she tugged back, trying to stop her boyfriend who was on a mission: it seemed to be the wrong move. He stopped, then whipped his arm, sending her flying to the ground. Her face hit the gravel of Isabelle's driveway first, burning her nose and making her splutter. She groaned.

"Oh god." Sebastian slurred, looking down at her, trying to pull her up. "I am so sorry, I didn't mean—"

"Get the fuck off me." She muttered, trying to sit upright. She was too drunk and slipped, rolling onto her side.

"Clary, wait."

"She said get the fuck off."

Clary didn't have to look up to know who was there. Jace was smoking the stub of a cigarette, hand in his pocket and eyes hard as he approached Sebastian. Clary couldn't concentrate on what they were saying, holding a hand up to her nose and feeling the hot, wet stream of blood. She glanced at her hand and felt her stomach turn at the scarlet stain. They were shouting now, but she didn't care. She couldn't stop staring at the blood. Maybe she should just stay there on the ground. It was still.

"Hey." She looked up at the softness in Jace's voice: he was crouched down in front of her, reaching out his hands. "Can you stand up."

Clary nodded vacantly, letting him slip a warm hand into hers, pulling her up and snaking an arm around her waist when she stumbled. "Careful." He whispered, pulling her toward the house.

"What… why are you here?" She asked quietly. Jace pushed open the front door and took in the chaos, kicking cup out of his way as he made his way to the kitchen.

"Meant to be getting Simon." He said gruffly, finally setting Clary down on one of the seats at the island and grabbing paper towels, wetting them and approaching Clary. "Can I…?"

Clary looked up at his face: he looked tired, worn out. There was a softness in his eyes, and behind all the snark and attitude was the guy that Clary had once known. She nodded gently.

He pressed the towel to her face and she gasped as he cleaned her up. It hurt, and tears stand in her eyes. Jace grimaced and grabbed a dry towel, caressing her cheek gently. "Please don't cry." He whispered. "I hate when you cry."

"I hate you." She said, finally letting a sob take over her.

"I know."

"I hate you so much."

"Yeah." She kept crying, fisting her hands in Jace's shirt. He kept swiping at her tears, his heart clenching.

"I hate you; I hate you." She whispered, repeating it over and over until she couldn't speak anymore. "It hurts so much."

"I'll kill that guy." Jace said blankly, and Clary hit his chest.

"No, it hurts _inside. _It hurts so much all the time. Because I hate you for hurting me when _I love you so damn much." _

She felt him suck in a breath, still swiping at her tears.

"Don't say that."

"I mean it." She said, looking down and choking. "I don't care anymore, I love you. Simon loves Iz. Iz loves Simon. And I love _you. _ I barely knew you but I loved you and it _hurts._"

"Stop."

"I love you."

"Please, stop." He growled.

"Why? Because you don't love me. I get it. I piss you off. I mess up."

Jac leant down, and before she knew what was happening, he had her lips on hers, pressing against her, arms gripping her waist. Clary gasped against him, pulling him tighter to her with her fists in his shirt. He tasted like cigarettes, and she could taste her own blood on her lips. She broke them apart, panting.

"Obviously, I love you." Jace whispered his forehead against hers. He stroked her cheek, then pulled back. "But we're a mess." He extracted himself from her grip, tucking a rogue red curl behind her ear. "And you're very drunk." He whispered, almost silently, eyes searching hers for something he thought he had lost. The air around them buzzed, and Clary felt the start of a thousand words swirling on her tongue, the promise of sanity, the request for more moments with him about to burst through her bruised lips.

Instead she choked, saying nothing. And he walked away.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Another update! Wishing the best to everyone still while the world is still so scary. Also, to everyone leaving such nice reviews, thanks so much! It really does mean a lot and seeing people enjoying these stories makes me v happy. I think it's clear I'm trying to bring a little light into my fake worlds when the real one is so gloomy. **

**Enjoy :)**

* * *

Chapter 5

"Ugh…."

"Shut the fuck up."

"Ughhhh…."

"Clary!"

"Bleh."

"You are _so _annoying."

Clary lay face down on Isabelle's floor: she wasn't quite sure how or when she got there, all she knew was that everything hurt. Especially her head.

"When the fuck did I get here?" She said thickly, and Isabelle just made a noise from her position on the bed. Clary pushed herself up, groaning and stumbling to the bed, rolling in beside Isabelle. Her friend was warm, smelling like booze and sweat, and Clary coughed.

"God, I'm fucking exhausted." She muttered, an Isabelle kicked her.

"Me too, so shut up and sleep a bit longer."

The pair weren't quite awake until nearly three hours later, both stumbling around Isabelle's room looking for towels. Isabelle opened up the blinds, squinting at the watery sunshine, and Clary groaned.

"Did you have to open that?" She said, attempting to wrangle her hair into a bun. Isabelle rolled her eyes and turned to her. She frowned at her friend.

"Ouch," She said, coming up to Clary and inspecting her face. "What happened there?" She asked. Clary touched her face, feeling a sting, and she spun to look in Isabelle's vanity. There was a scratch along her cheek, blood at the edge of her nose: she scrunched her face, pressing her fingers against it.

"I don't know…" She said, frowning. "Knowing me I probably fell straight onto my face." She said, grinning, and Isabelle smacked her arm with a towel.

"Well, it looks grim—you shower first." She said, leaving Clary to change.

By the time they had both cleaned up and drank their weight in orange juice, Alec had awoken, along with a few of his friends that had stayed over. They all pretended not to notice when Magnus emerged from the shower, making his way down to the kitchen to help clean up.

"If I ever see a solo cup again, I'll puke." Clary said, slumping down on the couch once they had finally thrown out the last bag of trash, Alec sweeping past them to give them a brief hug before heading back up to school.

"Amen." Isabelle said, checking her phone. "Oh shit… Coach wants us all at school for a debrief this afternoon." She said, reading hurriedly. Clary groaned.

"Iz… it's a Saturday, can't we just do it Monday?"

"We'll have practice Monday—you know she's essentially useless, we come up with the routines at this point anyway. But we need her to sign our papers so we can compete."

Clary rolled her eyes, pushing herself up. "Fine. But you're telling the team, I do not want to be on the receiving end of that."

They spent the day hungover in the school gym, their cheer coach giving them vague advice while they all fell asleep against the bleachers: Clary was then exhausted for the rest of the weekend, holing herself up in one of Isabelle's spare rooms to finish her homework whilst she went out with Simon, only seeing her again on Monday morning as they got ready for their final week of school.

"It's too warm to be Christmas." Clary said, playing with the radio as Isabelle drove them to school. Izzy swatted at her hand.

"Quit it. And I know, right? I mean, there's still like three weeks. Pray for snow." She said, biting her lip. Christmas was hard for Isabelle: with max being gone, and her family broken apart, it was more lonely than festive. But this year they were hoping for a kind of miracle between them: an actual Christmas.

They arrived at school, Aline and Maia greeting them with a roll of their eyes and a half smoked cigarette.

"What's up?" Clary asked, joining them by Jordan's car. Maia huffed.

"Seelie is throwing a tantrum. She says that her Mom won't let her go to Aspen for the holidays, so she's boycotting school." Maia said, looking at her nails. "She said she won't even come to practice."

Isabelle tapped at her phone angrily. "Um, like fuck she's not. She knows we have Nationals like, a month after Christmas break is up? This is our prep week."

Maia just shrugged as Isabelle went off to make an angry phone call, and Aline and Clary sat against Jordan's car, laughing at his protests and teasing Maia when she tried to back him. Clary, for once, was in a good mood. The approaching holiday meant that she wouldn't be seeing her parents any time soon, and she was planning on visiting Jonathon that evening. They made their way to class as the bell rang, and Clary waved at Isabelle as she walked to her locker.

"Clary!"

A voice called out to her in the crowded hallway, and Clary turned, surprised. Sebastian stood a metre away, approaching her cautiously. Clary gasped.

…_he whipped his arm, sending her flying to the ground…_

"Clary, I wanted to call you all weekend—" Sebastian began: there was a frown etched into his features, his dark eyes pleading.

"I'm glad you didn't." She said, slamming her locker shut. "Leave me alone, Sebastian."

She began to walk away and he kept up the pace beside her, ignoring the looks from other students. It was at this point Clary wished that she hadn't spent so much time carving out the perfect identity: it meant that no matter what, people were always watching.

"Will you please wait a minute, I want to apologise."

"Don't bother." Clary said, flicking her hair behind her. "I've had enough."

"Hang on." Sebastian said, gripping her wrist, and Clary tried her hardest not to fly into a rage: she spun on him, wrenching her hand from his.

"_What the fuck." _She spat, gripping her books tighter. "You think that's a good idea, really? Just fuck off, please. I've had enough."

The hallways were starting to clear as another bell rang, but Sebastian just ignored the rush around him.

"No, I've had enough." He spat, and Clary raised an eyebrow as he ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. "You keep on… on… blowing me off! Acting like you make all the decisions in this relationship—"

"We don't have a relationship." She said firmly. He kept going, raising his voice.

"When there are _two _of us. Both of us, and I get a say as well—"

"Sebastian, stop! We're done, we can still be friends…" Clary said, trying to diffuse the manic look in his eyes.

"No! You fucking stop, we aren't just ending this because of one fight—"

"It wasn't a fucking fight!" Clary finally yelled, dropping her books and pushing against Sebastian's chest as he got too close. "It was _not _a fight. I don't remember a lot from that night, but I _do _remember you shoving me to the ground. That's not fighting, that's you getting physical."

She tried to control her breathing, but she knew that, although she was fighting, she was five seconds away from breaking down. Because it wasn't until that moment, him towering over her, that Clary realised how much he resembled her father.

"Stop." Sebastian said, trying to take her hand. She swatted him away. "I already told you I was sorry." Clary looked down, rubbing her forehead.

"I know… I know you're sorry… it's just—fuck, Seb, you scared me. And I didn't like it. So can we just go back to being friends?"

She looked at him imploringly as he shook his head. "No. You aren't being reasonable." He spat, taking another step toward her. Clary pushed him away again, but he just gripped her wrist.

"Let's just go talk about this." He said lowly, and she flinched back. The last thing she wanted was to be afraid of another person, but in that moment she wasn't sure how not to be.

"No, Sebastian. I'm sorry you're annoyed, but I need to look after myself." She whispered. He gripped her hand tighter for a moment, but was distracted by the ring of the late bell and she pulled her hand free, turning and running back down the hall.

"Clary!" He called. But she was already around the corner, and he was being pulled aside by Mr Starkweather for his lateness.

* * *

"Fuck!"

Clary screamed out as she was dropped on her head for the third time by her bases, Eric and Liam apologising before helping her back up. The rest of the stunts were still going on around her, and she hobbled off the mat to lie on the bleachers. The day really seemed to be kicking her ass: all she could think about was Sebastian, the fight they had. The fact that he had hurt her and not seemed to understand how bad it was.

"You good, chic?"

Clary opened one eye as Helen sat down beside her, patting her head and handing her a bottle of water. Clary sighed.

"Yeah… I think I'm just distracted; sorry I keep messing up. I'm not doing a great job co-captaining lately."

"Nah, you're doing fine. I'm guessing you're a bit distracted…" She said, her ashen eyebrows raising. Clary sat up, sipping the water.

"You heard about Sebastian." She said, and Helen adjusted her skirt.

"Babe, you had a shouting match in the hallway. Everyone heard that break-up." Clary put her head in her hands, and Helen tried to comfort her. "Ah, don't worry about it. I'm sure he'll take you back if you want…" She raised her hands at Clary's expression. "Woah, or not. He'll get over it soon enough."

"Yeah… I just wish it wasn't such big news." She muttered, playing with the lace on her shoe. She looked over, watching Isabelle direct the team, Aline flying in the air as the boys tumbled around, flipping across the mat in succession. "Will you tell Iz I dipped out early? I'm not feeling great…" She said, grabbing her bag, and Helen nodded.

"Sure. Feel better, Clare. Don't let a stupid boy get you down." Helen said with a tilt of her head, grinning.

Clary snorted, pulling out her phone as she slipped on her coat. "I'll try. See you later."

She headed out of the gym, the sound of her teammates being thrown around fading into the background. It was getting colder, despite her protests that morning, and already the darkness had begun to curl around the evening. If her head wasn't quite so full, she would have worried about wandering around in the dark. But she was just focused on getting to Jonathon's, not stopping until she finally reached the dim glow of Lilith's Tattoo parlour. She made her way in, greeting Jem, a mild mannered, heavily tattooed guy who worked for Lily.

"Hey." She said as the bell above her tinkled. "Where's Lil?" she asked.

She received her answer in the form of a blonde figure barrelling toward her, wrapping her in a hug.

"Clary! So glad you decided to come, it's a quiet day so I thought you could help Bat with some designs? Jon just went out to get food so he'll be back in a bit."

Lily led her through to the back of the studio: Lilith's was kind of a gem on the south side, with a big open studio, clean white walls covered in swirling designs, and a two offices in the back. Clary eyed Bat as they entered the back office, sat on a counter cross legged and working of a sketch. He looked up as the pair entered, and raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, red." He said with a grin. "Long time no see."

"Ah, Bat, always a pleasure. Glad to see you're a bit more alert."

Lily shot them both a curious look before raising up her hands in defeat. "I don't want to know, kids, I'll be in the office if you need me."

She disappeared into her own private office, and Clary was left to take a seat at the wooden staff table, logging into the computer as Bat came to sit behind her.

"We've been working on some stuff for this guy…" Bat said, pulling up a file and showing Clary a series of designs. "The way Lil does it is really easy: we take the prompt, make a load of designs, and the ones that this client doesn't like go on the wall." He showed her how to set up the software before heaving himself into the chair next to her. The dim light of the room cast a glow across Bat's face, accentuating his high brow and prominent scar, and Clary had a flashback to the party. Ashe swallowed.

"So…" She said, clicking on an image and grabbing herself a pad. Bat seemed shifty, watching her work. "Okay, what's up?" She said, turning to him. "You've got a weird vibe going on."

"Vibe?" He said with a nervous laugh, and Clary raised an eyebrow.

"What did you do?" She asked. He continued to look guilty, and for a moment looked like he wanted to say something. But before he could there was a click, and a cold wind flushed through the office as Jonathon stepped through the back door. He was carrying two bags and wiped his feet from the rain, a grin spreading across his face when he spotted Clary. His eyes flicked across her face, scanning, then he dropped the bags to pat her head. She squirmed away, swatting him, and wishing that Bat had finished his sentence.

"Quit it, Jon." She said, scowling. "Nice to see you too."

He dug a load of takeout from the bag, tossing a box to them both before sitting down on the table by his sister.

"What's new?" He asked, and Clary took a huge bite of noodles to avoid his steely gaze. Bat just turned back to his work, quietly eating his food and stealing glances at the pair.

"Well, Jonathon, we won our regionals." She grinned, receiving a thump on the back in response.

"Go on, Clare, fucking knew you would. How long til Nationals?"

"Not long… seriously, we have like a month once we get back from Christmas vacation then that's that."

"Well I'll definitely be there for that. Okay, what are you working on…?"

The rest of the evening was spent with her brother, Bat keeping his distance and Lily joining them later in the evening when the actual store closed. Jem, the guy who manned the desk, gave them a swift goodbye, and Clary packed up her stuff to leave.

"Wait, aren't you staying with us?" Jonathon asked, frowning, and Clary shook her head.

"Sorry, I promised Iz that I'd study with her tonight. You know I'm staying there until… well, I don't know really."

"Old Valentine around for the holidays?" He asked. Clary shook her head.

"Nope, nor's…" She cut herself off. "Mom." She always felt rude talking about her around Jon, complaining about her when her mother was the reason that Lily had been so disrespected. But when she thought about it, she was glad that it was her with Valentine and Jocelyn, She could take their misery, and she wouldn't wish that on anyone. "But it's okay. I'm staying with Iz—her mom is gone too—so we're gonna have an orphan's Christmas."

Jonathon laughed, pulling her in for a hug. "Well, you're always welcome with us." He pulled away, and Clary smiled.

"I'll take you up on that." She said before heading out the door, pulling out her phone to call Isabelle. She jumped at a hand on her arm, turning to see Bat with an apologetic look.

"Sorry—" He said, holding up his hands. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

Clary frowned, shaking her head. "What? Of course I am."

"No, I mean… you know, after Friday."

"Friday… Bat, I'm fine."

"Yeah? Because I heard about the fight you had with your boyfriend, what happened. I'm sorry I got so high, I probably should've looked out for you."

Clary froze, confused: Friday night flashed through her head, the smoking, the drinking, Sebastian's anger. She scrunched her eyes up. "What do you mean? How did you hear about that?" She opened up her phone, ready to text every one of her friends to see who had spilled. Bat looked confused.

"Well, I mean… Jace told me."

Her heart stopped. "Jace?" She asked. "How did Jace know…?" Her phone rang at that moment, Isabelle responding to her text, and Bat blinked, guilt colouring his features.

"I—look, you should go. I need to go too. See you around." He turned on his heel and walked away, Clary watching in shock as she picked up the phone.

"What's up, babe?" Isabelle's voice came, and Clary set off toward home.

* * *

That next week Clary kept her head down, skipping classes to avoid Sebastian, showing up for practice before ducking out to go to Jonathon's. Bat wasn't there the rest of the week, and on Friday, when they had finally finished for the vacation, Clary lay tossing in bed, thinking about the thousand texts that Sebastian had sent her, the ones from Seelie and Helen too. Everyone knew about their breakup, and apparently Sebastian was going round telling everyone they were still together. It made her feel ill: why did everything have to be so hard? Izzy had tried to cheer her up at dinner, ordering her favourite food and insisting they skip the homework in favour of manicures, starting the vacation off right. She promised that everything would be between in the morning. Clary knew that it wouldn't.

Pushing her covers off Clary decided that she needed fresh air, she needed clarity, pulling on clothes before heading out of Izzy's house and back down into town, walking with purpose. She knew exactly what she wanted.

Taki's was the same everywhere: a chain of small, inconsequential diners all over the city. There was one that Clary and her friends went to. And then there was _the _one. The one she had shared with Jace.

And that's where she ended up. It was smaller than the others, with a boarded-up window from drunken fights. But the inside was still the same, smelling like burgers and warm pancakes and coffee. She found a seat, _their seat, _and ordered from the kind middle aged waitress: large coffee, coconut pancakes. Then she stared out the one window that was still glass, shutting her eyes.

The smell of the diner was so comforting she finally felt like she could breathe, far away from her parents, her friends, Sebastian. She sighed.

"Clary?"

Clary's eyes snapped open and she sat up: in front of her, clear as day, was Jace. And for the second time that day she sucked in a breath.

"_She said get the fuck off."_

"Oh shit." Clary said, feeling like she might throw up. Jace, who had been standing by the table, slid into the booth, pulling down his hood to reveal his perfect face, long hair wild around his face. Clary tried not to cry.

"Yeah. Oh shit."

"You were there?" She asked as Jace's golden eyes flicked over her face, inspecting the graze along her cheek. She covered it with her hand, and Jace's eyes darkened.

"You don't remember?" He asked quietly. Clary scrunched her eyes shut.

"I remember Sebastian shoving me… and then you were there—were you there?" She opened her eyes, green meeting gold She tried not to wince at his look, the intensity. Jace nodded slowly, and Clary but her lip. She didn't know what to say for a moment, and luckily she was saved by the arrival of her food. The waitress looked between the two, shooting Clary a wink before asking Jace if he wanted anything: before Clary could respond Jace grinned that blinding grin.

"No thanks, Angie, we're sharing." He gave her his own wink, and "Angie" blushed before leaving. Clary was still trying to get her brain to work, watching as Jace stuck a fork into the pancakes, taking a bite and watching her.

"You were there. I—fuck, I need to stop drinking. I don't remember. I—" She let out a slow breath. She didn't want to fight with him anymore. "I'm sorry if I was a bitch."

Jace stopped chewing and put down his fork. "You seriously don't remember?" He asked, and Clary shook her head. Jace ran a hand through his hair with a grimace. "Fuck." He looked out the window. "You still seeing that guy?" He asked, not looking at her.

"No." She said firmly, and he finally met her gaze. "You know I don't put up with guys hurting me." She spat it, intending it to hurt him, and Jace nodded.

"No. You don't."

He reached forward to take another bite and Clary swatted him away, taking up the fork and taking a big bite herself to keep her occupied. Jace knew he shouldn't smile, but he did anyway.

"Why are you here?" He asked, eyes searching. Clary watched him watching her: he always did this, like he was scrutinising every twitch in her face. Then she swallowed, licking the syrup from the fork.

"I needed space."

"From your parents?"

She blinked, forgetting for a moment that they had once known each other's deepest thoughts. Now it was like they were strangers. He had _made _them strangers.

"No. I'm staying with Isabelle while they're away."

"Best you're happy about that." He said, and Clary took a deep breath. "Not really what I meant, though. Why are you _here. _Of all places. In _our _spot."

He ran his finger along the window ledge, feeling the grooves in the wood where they had carved their names. She remembered the day that he had done that.

"_Stop!" Clary hissed, looking out from around Jace's arm which had her pinned to his side, watching for any coming servers as Jace dug the small knife into the wood. Rhythmic swirling, Jace and Clary. She laughed at him when he finally put down the knife, grinning like a kid._

"_There." He said, kissing her chastely. "Now it's permanent."_

"_You're an idiot." She said, and he pouted. _

"_You're supposed to like this sappy shit?"_

"_Well I for one don't need my name carved in the Taki's window ledge."_

"_Why, cause it's already carved in my heart?"_

_Clary reached out and tugged his shirt, fisting her hand in it and his face to hers, kissing him deeply, not caring who noticed, slipping her tongue against his and pressing herself firmly into him. He broke away, panting gently. _

"_That was so corny." Clary whispered, and Jace rubbed a thumb across her cheek._

"_True, though." _

Clary blinked, back in the present, and she shrugged. "I just wanted to feel safe, for once. Sebastian is being an asshole, I just…. wanted somewhere quiet."

"No quiet places where you're from?"

Clary frowned, feeling like there was a leaden stone in her stomach. He didn't want her there: the pancake in her mouth turned to sawdust, and all she wanted to do was spit it out. She didn't know why she had come, really: all she knew was that she wanted to feel like herself again, like the person she was when she was with Jace. Instead she felt as though she had lost the last good memory.

"Sorry." She mumbled, pulling a ten from her jacket and putting it on the table before standing up. "I'll go."

She rushed out of the diner, and she could hear him cursing behind her as she stepped onto the street, hot tears pooling in her eyes. She made a quick pace, but he was right behind her.

"Clary, dammit, will you wait?" He pleaded; the desperation in his voice made her stop, and she wiped at her face, trying to slow the tears. He cursed when she turned back to him, surging forwards and taking her face in his hands, wiping at the tears. "Christ, please don't cry. I didn't mean it like that, I just…" His eyes darted to her lips, then he stepped away slightly, dropping his hands to her arms, rubbing lightly. "Do you really not remember what you said to me?" He asked, and Clary shook her head. He cursed again.

"I'm sorry if I was a bitch, okay, I've said it already…" She choked out. Jace reached out and tucked a curl behind her ear.

"You told me you loved me."

Clary bit her lip, her eyes once again filling up with tears. Oh _shit. _"I did?" She whispered. Jace nodded, and Clary choked on a sob. "And… what did you say to me."

Jace dropped his hands, shoving them deep in his pockets. "You already know."

Clary sniffed, laughing without humour. "No I don't, Jace. I don't know anything anymore."

"I said…" He took a step toward her, and Clary wiped under her eyes. "I said… I said I loved you too. That I love you."

Clary's heart stopped. The world around her fell away, and for one single second it was just her and Jace, no sounds except from the soft exhale of his breath. She blinked as hot tears streamed down her face.

"You hurt me." She whispered, and Jace looked up, a pained look etched across his face as he took another step closer.

"I know." He said, "And I am so, _so, _sorry. I'll spend the rest of my life being sorry."

"You will?" She asked, and he nodded, running a hand desperately through his hair. "Did you mean it? When you said you loved me?" She asked. Jace didn't blink, eyes burning amber and staring straight into her soul.

"Yes." He whispered. Then he cocked his head. "Did you?"

Clary stood still for a moment, her tears stopping. All she could see was Jace: so, instead of answering, she fell into his arms, flinger hers around his neck and pushing herself up onto her toes to press their lips together. Jace made a sound of surprise before his arms moved automatically to her waist, wrapping her tightly to him. He lifted her up, her legs wrapping around his waist tightly, moulding them together.

"Sorry." Clary gasped, pulling them apart and slipping down so she was back on her feet. Jace kept his arms locked around her, always watching her face, holding her like he was trying to remember every shape of her.

"I'm not." He said, and Clary grinned. She felt something in her chest ease, lift up and blow away in the night. It was like she didn't know how much she had missed him.

"I have to go back." She said, and Jace nodded, pulling up his hood with one hand and taking hers with another. She looked down at their joined fingers, and Jace raised an eyebrow.

"What? I'll give you a lift."

Clary smiled at the twinkle in his eyes. "Okay."

They made their way around back to Jace's car, and Clary felt like no time had passed as she climbed into the passenger seat, Jace slipping in after her. It smelled like his, like his soap, and skunk, and the laundry detergent he used. She sighed and he turned on the car.

"What does this mean?" She asked, and Jace flicked his eyes to her across the dash, once again leading her to answer.

"Whatever you want it to mean."

Clary thought about that for a moment. They had their reason for splitting up. But they also had so many reasons that had been together, and she bit her lip.

"I want it to mean… _us. _But… I have so much going on… and we have so many things to think about… and you don't trust me. I want you to trust me."

Jace blinked. "Okay."

"And then I'll trust you too."

"Okay."

"Are you listening?" She asked with a look of disbelief, and she was met with his signature smirk.

"Okay."

She smacked him with her free hand and sat back, revelling in the warmth of his car.

"I'm serious about you, Fray. I won't mess this up again. This time with you hating me… fuck, it's like I was in prison. You hating me made me hate me even more. It fucking sucked."

"Well… you've got time off for good behaviour." She mumbled, trying not to let herself think about the time that she had been without him too. "I'm sorry it took us so long to talk."

"Me too. We wasted so much time." He muttered as they pulled into Isabelle's drive. "I want us to talk, properly." He said, and Clary nodded mutely. "Can we… can I…" He brought the car to a stop. "Can I pick you up tomorrow, lunchtime, take you out?" he asked. Clary felt a flutter in her stomach, a familiar flutter. She nodded slowly.

"Okay." He said, peering over the steering wheel up at the house. "I think you better go…"

Clary looked up too and blushed, seeing Isabelle standing at the door in her pyjamas, arms folded, expression hard, smoking a cigarette. She swallowed and got out of the car.

Isabelle watched Jace's car pull away and Clary approached, wrapping her arms around herself and blinking innocently at Isabelle. Izzy leant against the door, taking a puff.

"Care to explain where the fuck you've been?"


End file.
